I hate times when I get a feeling like this. A feeling where I just feel that everything in my life is so crappy that I want to scream at the top of my lungs and say FML!
Once and for all, I just want to pour out all of the frustrations that have been creeping on my mind at the moment. Screw these feelings. I hope me complaining here will be therapeutic for me.
Sorry. My life is not a fairytale.
I’m not the type of person who talks all day about: how amazing my life is, how I have this perfect relationship with someone or how I’m crushing on someone who’s probably feeling the same about me too, how every opportunity is handed and spoonfed to me, how I do not have to work the heck out of me, how rich I am, how easy my life is, how a single insect annoys the heck out of me, how un-perfect I look. Yeah. Probably I’m just jealous of this type of person anyway.
It gets tiring. I have these people to whom I listen to everyday. It’s not like I don’t want to listen to them ranting about their life. Let’s be honest. Sometimes, we get so selfish and in our minds we think, I’ll just nod and nod. But in truth, we do not give a single care. I say in my head: “Yeah, yeah, you’re having a problem with that? Look, your life is so simple and perfect and happy. It sounds like you’re in a fairytale! Look at me, my life’s a mess and my problem is worse than yours. So shut up!”
Yeah, that would be the mean side of me speaking and getting that out of my head through writing it feels like a relief to me.
Maybe I just should cool off. “This too shall pass.” That’s what they say. Yes, I know this crap feeling I have now will go away and everything will probably resolve on its own or maybe I can do something about it.
Truth is, I also don’t want to be the entire type of person who doesn’t always give a damn about other people. The type who is cold to others. It’s just messed up and I know that I will feel really bad about myself if I will do it.
So no. First, I need to give myself an internal slap. That’s for me to wake up.
Maybe I don’t need to be so mean in my mind at all when I am listening to others. Yes, my life could be more messed up than theirs but at least, I think I should do my part. I should listen. If I were in their position, they will probably confide in me too because they know they I can help. Whatever. This part is when my conscience is speaking up. Me clearing up all the negative things I’ve mentioned above. And I hope I don’t actually look like I’m crazy in this post.