When you get tired of caring

Most of us easily get attached to every person who showers us with their attention. We feel important to them when they take their time to talk to us, ask us how we are doing, and even do small things that makes us happy. It’s not so bad to want the feeling like you’re being cared for by other people or that you want to feel special.

But then again, we are afraid of hurting. When people get attached to us, we become dependent to them in so many ways. We are afraid of being left behind. What happens when people, who made you feel so special leave you over and over again?

Eventually, all the bitterness will creep through your mind. All the insecurities on how you’re not enough for them will be realized. You will begin to think about what’s wrong with you or is there something wrong that you have done to them that made them leave you.

Once you’ve done all the self-blaming that you can do, there goes the part when you just get numb. It’s a natural coping mechanism for all of us. You just stop caring. You get rid of all the hate that you have to yourself and just feel nothing. It can be both good and bad. It depends on how you look at it. In my case, being numb when I am being left behind is a good thing.

Time goes on, you get to realize so much, and sometimes, find yourself to stop caring at all for that person who left you. When they get back at you, wanting you again or wanting something from you again, well, it’s safer to say that you would want to stop caring. You just want to be a cold numb b*tch and show that person who he/she left. Because apparently, that person doesn’t think you’re not that important anymore or you’re only important when he/she needs something from you. Getting back at them by being so cold and not giving them the same attention to that person like before will be your own personal way of taking karma into your own hands.

But I guess it doesn’t really work that way.

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