Mistakes

I smiled on the outside, but inside, I wanted to weep.

I don’t get as much as frustrated like I did before. But then again, I have my breaking points. I tried to hold it off as much as I can and it didn’t work. I am struggling against my insecurities for the nth time.

Again, I was being hard on myself. I felt like my self-esteem is being stepped upon again. I know there is nothing wrong from making mistakes. It’s okay, I always tell myself. But it’s not easy as I thought it would be, when every time I close my eyes, I got reminded of my mistakes.

I felt as if I am such an amateur. Every time I got mistakes, it’s either it got pointed out to other people or I’m being laughed at. I cannot exactly tell what happened. But it made me feel incompetent and not worthy. I want to ward off these negative thoughts. I felt like crying.

This is another bad day for me. And hopefully, the next ones will be better. Again, my paranoid self is telling me that the people I am with don’t even like me. Sometimes, I think that they’re talking behind my back. But that’s just my negative self speaking for me. I hate myself for feeling so low like this.

I am trying and struggling to be better. Because, oh well, I can’t just be like this. I am looking forward to the day that I will excel in what I chose to do.

 

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