I’ve always been the one who fears of getting left behind. I hate it when my friends forget to ask me how I am doing with my life. It’s either that or I am afraid that they’d be able to move on with their life without me.
I am insecure most of the time. I don’t think that I am great at something. I’m just average. When I want something, and someone gets it first, I get jealous. But it just remains there. I’m not the mean and bitch type who snatches everything that I wanted. I am just afraid that I will be the only one left losing.
I worry about the day all of my friends would be happily engaged in a relationship and I will be the last single among us. That somehow feels bad when I become the third wheel, or someone who gives my friends love advice. It’s just ironic that they ask me for advice when I don’t even have a love life.
That’s just who I am. I am trying to change that. I know that it’s only natural to feel that way because each one of us needs to feel security. We want people who will stay in our lives. We want to keep on succeeding not forever losing. We want someone to spend the rest of their lives with us.
It’s normal I think. There will be a time that all of these fears of mine will be banished from my mind. I look forward to seeing myself as independent, someone who do not rely her happiness on other people.