When you get tired of caring

Most of us easily get attached to every person who showers us with their attention. We feel important to them when they take their time to talk to us, ask us how we are doing, and even do small things that makes us happy. It’s not so bad to want the feeling like you’re being cared for by other people or that you want to feel special.

But then again, we are afraid of hurting. When people get attached to us, we become dependent to them in so many ways. We are afraid of being left behind. What happens when people, who made you feel so special leave you over and over again?

Eventually, all the bitterness will creep through your mind. All the insecurities on how you’re not enough for them will be realized. You will begin to think about what’s wrong with you or is there something wrong that you have done to them that made them leave you.

Once you’ve done all the self-blaming that you can do, there goes the part when you just get numb. It’s a natural coping mechanism for all of us. You just stop caring. You get rid of all the hate that you have to yourself and just feel nothing. It can be both good and bad. It depends on how you look at it. In my case, being numb when I am being left behind is a good thing.

Time goes on, you get to realize so much, and sometimes, find yourself to stop caring at all for that person who left you. When they get back at you, wanting you again or wanting something from you again, well, it’s safer to say that you would want to stop caring. You just want to be a cold numb b*tch and show that person who he/she left. Because apparently, that person doesn’t think you’re not that important anymore or you’re only important when he/she needs something from you. Getting back at them by being so cold and not giving them the same attention to that person like before will be your own personal way of taking karma into your own hands.

But I guess it doesn’t really work that way.


Never Letting Go.

Whenever I meet and get to know a person, I am one of those people who needs a long time to get close to him/her. Yes, I take time to open myself to a person and be comfortable.

Once I get to the point wherein I could share myself and be myself to that person, I make an effort to really know them well, and to make them comfortable with me as well.

What really saddens me is when the time comes when people go on their separate ways. It’s not like a matter of choice but rather an inevitable event for all of us. People come and go.

It’s really hard when we come to the point when we realize someone doesn’t have all the time for us now. We just have to be contented to the fact that we will just feel lucky if they even get to remember us once in awhile.

About these situations, well, I am one those who does not easily let go of my friends. I realized that I am never the one who settles for letting go of a person. I take the effort, at least. But all of us have our limitations. When we feel that we’re being purposefully ignored or forgotten, it hurts us. As much as we don’t want to let go, we don’t have a choice. We move on too, not because we want it, but it’s because we have to.


Getting attached.

I dunno what’s up with me, but I always find myself being easily attached to any person that I meet. Well, not as, in any person, but ┬áto someone who has a good personality that fits with mine. Give me hours or days to talk to that person, then, I will instantly form my attachment to him/her. I find it that I always see the good in people and if I begin to see the negatives, I just reason myself that I need to understand those. Then, when the time comes wherein I need to let go or they will let go of me without even fighting to make me stay, that’s the point I get vulnerable and hurt. I guess that’s always how it goes. I cannot always stop myself from getting attached to people and isolate myself when I hardly need company.