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Sighs, face-palm moments, and life in general

Well, that was such a long title. Sorry about that. I was just really busy with stuff going on with my life. I really don’t want to abandon this blog though. It has been a huge help for me to express myself and relieve my stress. Writing will always be one of my passions in life.

Anyway, I think I changed in a lot of ways compared to the one writing on this blog several months before. Now, I felt like something in me changed dramatically. When I got a position as a staff nurse in a hospital, I felt as though I need to force myself to be more responsible and more mature. I feel lots of things changing. Also, I realized how complicated and difficult life could be. Thank goodness to my family, friends, books, and the internet, I kept myself sane. Lol.

Also, I kept thinking to myself..kept questioning myself..if I can survive my job/my profession. Sometimes, I just want to hate myself for being so unsure of many things. What am I supposed to do? I know people at my age are supposed to figure out things and focus more on career building. I feel like sighing various times. Life is indeed not very simple. You have to consider lots of things.

Yesterday, I felt so exhausted..with what happened to me at work. I felt myself crumbling..shattered inside because oh well..I thought that I am as not as efficient as I am supposed to be. I just broke down and cried. After all, I need to take my stress out of myself or else I am going to burst. I miss the comfort of life but would it be a life worth living if I just settled for mediocre things? Dream at home about the extraordinary things I could do, or be at places I want to go? I could not do that. I have to work and move my ass for my dreams. I internally tell myself to fight, to be brave, and to be courageous. I hope I can conquer all the fears and insecurities that I have. This will be a long fight and a long journey.

I am grateful for the time I have off my work but my negative thoughts kept plaguing my mind..the kind of facepalm-worthy memories that keep on flashing..urghhh..It can be really so frustrating. I guess I’ll get over this soon enough..and when I say soon..I hope really soooon.

Considering all those things aside, I think I’ve been lucky to get a job in my line of profession. I am mostly thankful for everything that I have now.

I’ll be back sometime soon.

-Jenny