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Sighs, face-palm moments, and life in general

Well, that was such a long title. Sorry about that. I was just really busy with stuff going on with my life. I really don’t want to abandon this blog though. It has been a huge help for me to express myself and relieve my stress. Writing will always be one of my passions in life.

Anyway, I think I changed in a lot of ways compared to the one writing on this blog several months before. Now, I felt like something in me changed dramatically. When I got a position as a staff nurse in a hospital, I felt as though I need to force myself to be more responsible and more mature. I feel lots of things changing. Also, I realized how complicated and difficult life could be. Thank goodness to my family, friends, books, and the internet, I kept myself sane. Lol.

Also, I kept thinking to myself..kept questioning myself..if I can survive my job/my profession. Sometimes, I just want to hate myself for being so unsure of many things. What am I supposed to do? I know people at my age are supposed to figure out things and focus more on career building. I feel like sighing various times. Life is indeed not very simple. You have to consider lots of things.

Yesterday, I felt so exhausted..with what happened to me at work. I felt myself crumbling..shattered inside because oh well..I thought that I am as not as efficient as I am supposed to be. I just broke down and cried. After all, I need to take my stress out of myself or else I am going to burst. I miss the comfort of life but would it be a life worth living if I just settled for mediocre things? Dream at home about the extraordinary things I could do, or be at places I want to go? I could not do that. I have to work and move my ass for my dreams. I internally tell myself to fight, to be brave, and to be courageous. I hope I can conquer all the fears and insecurities that I have. This will be a long fight and a long journey.

I am grateful for the time I have off my work but my negative thoughts kept plaguing my mind..the kind of facepalm-worthy memories that keep on flashing..urghhh..It can be really so frustrating. I guess I’ll get over this soon enough..and when I say soon..I hope really soooon.

Considering all those things aside, I think I’ve been lucky to get a job in my line of profession. I am mostly thankful for everything that I have now.

I’ll be back sometime soon.

-Jenny

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Hoping

So, I’ve been long gone and now I’m back again. I know I have been kind of neglecting my blog. There are just thousand reasons why I haven’t posted much lately.

The thing is I finally decided to make my own book blog. I’ve been busy writing reviews and stuff. It’s like my stress reliever next to reading books..blogging about books. Anyway, enough of that..

Back to my life, I can say that I probably been much hopeful of all the things occurring to me right now. It seems that I can finally get back on track when it comes to my career. I’ve been accepted again for a training program. I’m just so grateful to have been given another chance. This time I will make the best out of this opportunity. I will fight for it because I want to friggin achieve my goal. I don’t want to stay lost. I feel as if this is divine intervention. Lol. Okay, I think I sound weird but whatever.

There’s always still a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to be afraid..to worry..but I know I better not. Why should I be? I really am feeling hopeful. I want to stay like this as much as I can. I’m tired of negativity. I want to see myself as someone who’s better, stronger, braver, and more ambitious. Enough for my wasting of time. I might be still a little lost but I can feel that I am finally finding my way back to where I should really be in.

I’m just really really happy. I know I am saying this because I am just about to start on my journey again in my career. Hopefully, I will not tire of being positive for a long long time. I wish I could keep this optimism. Fate, family, friends, and books definitely helped changing my outlook in life.

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Things crossed off from my bucket list

Okay, so I’m pretty sure that many of us have made their own bucket lists. As for mine, it doesn’t contain many but I’m proud that most of the stuff I put there..I was able to accomplish already. Here are the items in my bucket list:

  1. Save more money.
  2. Get a new hairstyle.
  3. Make a book blog and update it regularly.
  4. Learn new things.
  5. Try to go back to my nursing career.
  6. Live and eat healthier.
  7. Treat family for dinner/lunch/whatever.
  8. Pass exams (IELTS)
  9. Socialize more
  10. Go to freaking gym
  11. Attend a book signing event
  12. Visit places I’ve never been to
  13. Read more books and buy a new bookshelf
  14. Undergo further training for my career
  15. Go to a concert
  16. Watch fireworks show
  17. Go to Manila International Book Fair and Bookstore Warehouse Sale
  18. Have an online business.
  19. Get a signed book.
  20. Buy an e-book reader.
  21. Go outside more often.
  22. Be brave. Take chances.
  23. Fight for my decisions.

I know!! Most of the items in my bucket list are pretty lame. I think I should get more creative eh? Perhaps, go ziplining or diving? I would have to save up for that then. Oh and I gotta work on my socializing, saving money, and getting healthy. I’m pretty proud of myself though for accomplishing some of the things in the list.

 

I’m just sharing. Anybody else who got their own bucket list for 2014? 🙂

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What I didn’t regret

You know those moments you think of all the things you did in the past and play it over and over inside your head?

That’s actually a very common scenario to me every night when I get to my bed and reflect on my life. I realized that there’s nothing much that I regret in my life. After all, it’s what I wanted. It was my decision to do that. So, it’s pretty useless for me to regret on stuff. Instead of focusing on regrets, I think I should focus on things I didn’t regret.

I remembered that moment I turned my back on nursing. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made in my life. I thought that I was such a coward from not taking that opportunity but I guess it’s good that I did it. Why? Because I realized I’m not yet ready. I know that the world won’t wait for me to get ready but in a job like nurses do..It’s really scary because the patients’ lives are in my hands and I can’t afford to make big mistakes. Yes I was scared and I know that it’s normal. I didn’t choose to face my fear though instead I ran away. Up to this day, I am still thankful though, that I did that. It opened up other opportunities and experiences for me.

Since quitting temporarily from my profession, I decided to pursue my love for writing. I enjoyed my job as a freelance article writer. It worked on me. I was able to do writing for living for 2 years already. I think it brought me lots of lessons. I was actually proud of myself because I was got one of my dream jobs.

For now, I think I am in the crossroads of my life. I don’t know if I should pursue my career but I miss working in the hospital and it’s so hard to get a working experience here in my country. Is it normal that I don’t know what I want to do with my life? I feel like going crazy sometimes. I need some time to find myself (lol).

My point here is that I do not think of my past mistakes as  regrets but rather lessons. I always believe that there are reasons behind the things that happen to our lives. Though the reasons may not still be clear for me, I believe that by that I will be guided on what I should do with my life.

Hopefully, I’ll figure out what I’ll do with my life. It’s totally confusing. 😛

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A quick summary of what I am supposed to accomplish for January

New Year, New Resolutions. As I have pointed out from my previous posts, I am daring myself to make braver choices. I think everyone has a room for improvement and it’s never too late to want that for yourself. So, here I am sharing some of the things I am demanding myself to accomplish for January:

  • Read more books: I have mentioned here that I joined the GoodReads Reading Challenge. My goal is 100 books for this year. I have just finished only 1. Hopefully, I will not continue my procrastination in reading books.
  • Start an online business: I got this idea of selling preloved books on Instagram. Take note, ever since I discovered that there are LOTS of online shops selling books for cheaper prices, I must admit that my obsession for buying books has intensified. From that, I have decided to try my luck in business. I will try to help my fellow bookworms here to find books at more affordable prices. I just really really hope that this plan of mine pushes through.
  • Save MORE money:I always sucked at being thrifty. So, one of my most important goals to achieve is this. I have been reading much lately about tips on saving money. I have listed them at my journal and now..I am trying my best to follow them and save for myself.
  • Complete a blog challenge: My previous posts were all about the Zero to Hero blog challenge. I know I have missed some of the tasks but I am trying to catch up and do my best to learn as well as explore WordPress.
  • Get a new haircut: I am like most girls out there who gets tired of her haircut once in awhile. Again, in my mission to make braver choices, I am going to get a new haircut which would be shorter than I prefer. Okay, I’m seriously getting excited for this. I hope that I’ll be able to find time to do this.
  • Hit the GYM: This is one of my new year’s resolution which has not been achieved or been tried to be started EVER. Hopefully, by the end of this month, I will be hitting the gym for a healthier me. This is a promise to myself which I should never break.
  • Seriously make an effort to go back to NURSING: This one seems to be the hardest one to accomplish. With the employment rate of nurses here in our country, this is indeed a challenge. However, I will still submit more applications to several hospitals..so I can practice my profession. I am also intending to join trainings to gain more experience before my nursing knowledge and skills begin to fade away in my memories (just kidding).

There it goes. My list of goals for January. I shall post an update at the end of the month about whether I accomplish these or not. I am trying to be positive that I will achieve all of these. I just have to BELIEVE THAT I CAN.

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Where do I go from here?

I’m probably one of those people that you will meet that is so undecided with life. I change my mind many times. Sometimes, I worry that it will get me nowhere.

Another year is definitely another time to start over and refocus. It’s usually a time when people set new year’s resolution, a time to change oneself. I ask myself, where do I go from here? Truth is, I really don’t know. I feel like a child lost in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, it gets scary. I just read a blog post about wanting something more than being afraid of it. What I read moved me as an individual who is undecided in a lot of things. That’s my main problem, my fears eat me out. I always think that I cannot do it even if I haven’t tried it yet.

This year, I hope to change that fact. In 2014 I will be braver than I have ever been.

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Daily Prompt: The Best Day Ever

You get to enjoy the best day ever — describe in detail what that means to you. Where are you? What will you do? What’s the weather like? What will you eat? Who will you see?

I imagine my best day ever as my wedding day. I don’t know why but it’s the first thing that came into my mind.

Since I was a child, I’ve always been a fan of fairytales. Then, as a woman in  twenty-somethings, I’m someone who is a hopeless romantic. I’m the kind of person you can see always reading a romantic novel and watching chic flicks.

In my best day ever, I get to be everyone’s center of attention (though I cringe at the thought because I can be shy and and anxious). On that day, I will feel so happy because finally I find the person who will be the one and only love of my life (yes this post of so cheesy!).

The wedding ceremony could be in a church. I’ve always dreamed of walking down the church’s aisle. I’m dressed in my dream wedding dress, preferably with a long train and lots of tiny jewel stones. My man will be there at the altar waiting for me. He smiles as he looks at me and me crying because oh well I’m so lucky to have found him. All my loved ones will be there, my family, friends, and colleagues.

After that, I imagine the reception taking place in a garden. I dreamed of having the romantic background with the sunset and all. It will be romantic and with music playing. As the day ends, the sky will be dark with the stars shining brightly. We would be setting sky lanterns..

And yes..that’s how I imagine my best day ever..romantic and perfect. I hope it comes true.

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Things that I am thankful for this year

Again, I’m back after a long period of being MIA. Anyway, I’d like to greet everyone Happy Thanksgiving!  In essence of this occasion (even though we don’t celebrate it in our country), I’d like to talk about the things that I am very very much thankful for this year.

To start with, I think that I’m really blessed because I have my family and friends who is always here with me. If it weren’t for them, I think I’d be nothing. I’m thankful because we’re all safe and healthy. After the calamities that occurred in the other parts of our country, I realized that I should be grateful for the life and the comfort of all the things we have in life.

Another thing to be thankful for is having a regular job and part-time jobs. I must admit that life in twenties is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be. Before, I’m very dependent to the allowance that my parents gave to me. I spend it without a second thought. Now that I am earning my own money, I always get guilt feelings. Anyway, I’m happy that now, I’m giving a little share to my parents for our family budget.

Lastly, the experiences and the lessons I’ve had are the highlights. Now, I think that I am indeed learning about the “adult-life”. I’ve had my own share of mistakes that I think of now as a way of redirecting me to where I should really be. I’ve learned to stand for myself and not let anybody dictate what I should do. That’s most important lesson that I’ve learned and thankful for this year.

 

I guess that would be all for now. Enjoy your day everyone. 🙂

 

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Pending Post: What the heck am I supposed to do?

I know the title doesn’t look or sound good but that sums up everything about my post for today. Many days have passed again. So, I’ve been writing my thoughts on my phone just for the sake that I don’t forget what I’ve been intending to write for my blog. There is this post that I made when I pondered on what is happening on my life right now. It goes like this:

What the heck am I supposed to do?
Is there any guide on how to live your 20 somethings? That’s because I feel like I have not been living my life the way it should be lived. Sure there are bunch of articles telling us on what and how to live our lives in 20 somethings but tbh it feels like these are not enough. No matter what we read, there will no be no guide on how we live our lives. Well, if there are, we will not follow them anyway. We are the ones who choose how we live our lives (unless you let yourself to be dictated what to do in life).

They say have fun and you only live once so live your life to the fullest. Its unfair when every part of you feels scared on what the next step of your life should be. For me it feels like a series of being torn apart between life choices. The thing is as life goes on, you want to live a life that will make you the happiest..but how do we know what the heck makes us happy..what the heck are we supposed to do? I realized that it is truly hard when every hour of the day you long for that feeling of fulfillment. How do we ever know what will make us happy. Life is so complicated especially when we incorporate our over-thinking and over-worrying minds on it.

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Note to Self # 3: One step at a time

You might get confused with what’s happening to your life. It’s totally fine. There are so many things that can get you so indecisive. That’s why it’s hard to make decisions. Every move made is vital because it will be a foundation of your future. In your thoughts, you may think, “Don’t you dare mess this up.” Guess what? Don’t over-think like you always did. What matters is that you don’t rush into things. Take one step at a time. Consider your feelings. Ask yourself if you will be really happy if you do this. After that, keep a positive mindset. That’s the only way you’ll have your success.