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2013 Wrap up

It’s another year that has finished. Like they say, “Time flies by”. We are again in the point when we reminisce and reflect about the year that has passed.

To be honest, I must say that this year is a roller coaster ride though most of it was on plateau. It’s not like the negative kind of plateau but rather boring. I stayed in my comfort zone and did not do anything to be out of it. The plateau would refer to me choosing the easier way in which I don’t have to make an effort. Actually, I don’t regret anything that I have decided. In fact, I am really happy to have made those decisions. I’ve learned my lessons.

2013 is not an easy year though it’s mostly spent in plateau. In the beginning of the year, I get to practice my career as a nurse. It was such a happy moment for me. I got to learn and do what I was taught in nursing school. I realized that it’s indeed a noble profession to be in. Compassion and dedication are needed to pursue it. I’ve come across different people.. and faced with unexpected experiences. One of which was seeing a patient deteriorating and dying before my eyes. I felt like I had to detach from that moment..to prevent from crying because I need to be strong. It was a bit similar to the movies. In the mid-April, I finished my nursing training. I was successful and yet I felt like I shouldn’t take the opportunity of working in the hospital setting.

Since then, my father and I had some sort of disagreement with regards to my career, a definite down in my roller coaster ride. He said that I should have pursued it. I said I would not be happy working there. In the end, I stood by my decision. I followed my heart. It was a rough decision between practicality and happiness. Until now, I don’t know what to make out of it. Probably, I just chickened out because I was scared of failure. Or probably, there is something behind the turn of events that somehow makes it right.

By June, my grandmother passed away. She was really an angel in my life. She has always stood by my side, my defender in many ways. Like I said before, I’m just happy that my she and my grandfather are now together in heaven, a bit relieved that she didn’t need to feel pain anymore.

In September, I got freelance writing jobs. That’s when I thought that maybe I am meant to be a writer. I’m happy to have discovered this side of me. I have always loved writing because of my love for reading. Anyway, even if I am enjoying the perks of the job, I still miss dealing with patients and helping them. I miss nursing..but I guess it’s really true that you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone. I let the opportunity pass and here I am feeling slightly sorry about it but not so sorry about it (lol seriously I have a bad case of ambivalence).

Right now, what can I say..Yes I am thankful for everything that has happened. I’m still figuring this out but eventually things will unfold for me. I’ve pointed out before that I have always believed that all things happen for a reason.

Like I said, my year has been on a plateau but still a roller coaster ride. I remembered a character in John Green’s novel, “The Fault in Our Stars”. It’s Augustus Waters and he said there that he is on a roller coaster that only goes up. I want my life to be like that. A roller coaster that only goes up. A life that is so colorful because I learned to take calculated risks and be brave. That’s what I am going to do in 2014. Take risks, believe in what I can do.. and where fate takes me.

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Things that I am thankful for this year

Again, I’m back after a long period of being MIA. Anyway, I’d like to greet everyone Happy Thanksgiving!  In essence of this occasion (even though we don’t celebrate it in our country), I’d like to talk about the things that I am very very much thankful for this year.

To start with, I think that I’m really blessed because I have my family and friends who is always here with me. If it weren’t for them, I think I’d be nothing. I’m thankful because we’re all safe and healthy. After the calamities that occurred in the other parts of our country, I realized that I should be grateful for the life and the comfort of all the things we have in life.

Another thing to be thankful for is having a regular job and part-time jobs. I must admit that life in twenties is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be. Before, I’m very dependent to the allowance that my parents gave to me. I spend it without a second thought. Now that I am earning my own money, I always get guilt feelings. Anyway, I’m happy that now, I’m giving a little share to my parents for our family budget.

Lastly, the experiences and the lessons I’ve had are the highlights. Now, I think that I am indeed learning about the “adult-life”. I’ve had my own share of mistakes that I think of now as a way of redirecting me to where I should really be. I’ve learned to stand for myself and not let anybody dictate what I should do. That’s most important lesson that I’ve learned and thankful for this year.

 

I guess that would be all for now. Enjoy your day everyone. 🙂

 

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End of another chapter

It’s been a good four month-training at the hospital. It definitely taught me a lot of things I would have never learned from school. I’ve got the first taste of what it is like to become a professional nurse, someone who practices her chosen field.

First of all, I am very aware that I wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t for some people who helped me. I know that this looks like a speech but it’s not. It’s like, I don’t know, maybe fate has intervened to make me start my nursing career. I would have never thought that I would become one of the lucky ones who got a chance to practice nursing so suddenly after passing the board exam.

I somehow felt proud of myself. In my four months training, I encountered different types of patients, with different diagnosis, with different personalities, with different demands, with different significant others, etc. It felt good to become a part of someone’s life in such a short span of time. I know that I may have not done that much but when I see my patients smile or relieved from their pain, I feel good. I feel as if I’ve made the right decision of pursuing this career. The thanks that I have received, that made me feel fulfilled.

On the other hand, I felt worried about my general performance. I admit that skills-wise, I am not the one who definitely excels at it. I tend to make a lot of mistakes and I chastise myself for every single one of them. With every mistake I commit, I felt as though I was being judged, worse, I was being laughed at and judged by everyone who saw my mistake. I know that it is a pretty harsh thing to do to myself, but I cannot help it. I feel like I way more inferior to others. It’s not so easy to cope with those kinds of feelings. I wish I would get over it soon and gain confidence.

However, I think, the best part that happened in my training was meeting new friends to whom I created a bond with. It’s always good to make new acquaintances. I shared lots of memories with them and felt like I was really welcomed by the group.

All in all, my final thought: I am hoping that there’ll be a positive output from my four-months training. I hope that I can be hired in one of the company hospitals that I am eyeing. I want to stay positive and hopefully throw my worries away.