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2013 Wrap up

It’s another year that has finished. Like they say, “Time flies by”. We are again in the point when we reminisce and reflect about the year that has passed.

To be honest, I must say that this year is a roller coaster ride though most of it was on plateau. It’s not like the negative kind of plateau but rather boring. I stayed in my comfort zone and did not do anything to be out of it. The plateau would refer to me choosing the easier way in which I don’t have to make an effort. Actually, I don’t regret anything that I have decided. In fact, I am really happy to have made those decisions. I’ve learned my lessons.

2013 is not an easy year though it’s mostly spent in plateau. In the beginning of the year, I get to practice my career as a nurse. It was such a happy moment for me. I got to learn and do what I was taught in nursing school. I realized that it’s indeed a noble profession to be in. Compassion and dedication are needed to pursue it. I’ve come across different people.. and faced with unexpected experiences. One of which was seeing a patient deteriorating and dying before my eyes. I felt like I had to detach from that moment..to prevent from crying because I need to be strong. It was a bit similar to the movies. In the mid-April, I finished my nursing training. I was successful and yet I felt like I shouldn’t take the opportunity of working in the hospital setting.

Since then, my father and I had some sort of disagreement with regards to my career, a definite down in my roller coaster ride. He said that I should have pursued it. I said I would not be happy working there. In the end, I stood by my decision. I followed my heart. It was a rough decision between practicality and happiness. Until now, I don’t know what to make out of it. Probably, I just chickened out because I was scared of failure. Or probably, there is something behind the turn of events that somehow makes it right.

By June, my grandmother passed away. She was really an angel in my life. She has always stood by my side, my defender in many ways. Like I said before, I’m just happy that my she and my grandfather are now together in heaven, a bit relieved that she didn’t need to feel pain anymore.

In September, I got freelance writing jobs. That’s when I thought that maybe I am meant to be a writer. I’m happy to have discovered this side of me. I have always loved writing because of my love for reading. Anyway, even if I am enjoying the perks of the job, I still miss dealing with patients and helping them. I miss nursing..but I guess it’s really true that you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone. I let the opportunity pass and here I am feeling slightly sorry about it but not so sorry about it (lol seriously I have a bad case of ambivalence).

Right now, what can I say..Yes I am thankful for everything that has happened. I’m still figuring this out but eventually things will unfold for me. I’ve pointed out before that I have always believed that all things happen for a reason.

Like I said, my year has been on a plateau but still a roller coaster ride. I remembered a character in John Green’s novel, “The Fault in Our Stars”. It’s Augustus Waters and he said there that he is on a roller coaster that only goes up. I want my life to be like that. A roller coaster that only goes up. A life that is so colorful because I learned to take calculated risks and be brave. That’s what I am going to do in 2014. Take risks, believe in what I can do.. and where fate takes me.

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Things that I am thankful for this year

Again, I’m back after a long period of being MIA. Anyway, I’d like to greet everyone Happy Thanksgiving!  In essence of this occasion (even though we don’t celebrate it in our country), I’d like to talk about the things that I am very very much thankful for this year.

To start with, I think that I’m really blessed because I have my family and friends who is always here with me. If it weren’t for them, I think I’d be nothing. I’m thankful because we’re all safe and healthy. After the calamities that occurred in the other parts of our country, I realized that I should be grateful for the life and the comfort of all the things we have in life.

Another thing to be thankful for is having a regular job and part-time jobs. I must admit that life in twenties is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be. Before, I’m very dependent to the allowance that my parents gave to me. I spend it without a second thought. Now that I am earning my own money, I always get guilt feelings. Anyway, I’m happy that now, I’m giving a little share to my parents for our family budget.

Lastly, the experiences and the lessons I’ve had are the highlights. Now, I think that I am indeed learning about the “adult-life”. I’ve had my own share of mistakes that I think of now as a way of redirecting me to where I should really be. I’ve learned to stand for myself and not let anybody dictate what I should do. That’s most important lesson that I’ve learned and thankful for this year.

 

I guess that would be all for now. Enjoy your day everyone. 🙂

 

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Daily Prompt: On the road

If you could pause real life and spend some time living with a family anywhere in the world, where would you go?

My family has been through a lot over these past few weeks. Problems here and problems there. Getting away from everything here would be great for my family, especially for my parents. I’d love to spend time living with them anywhere peaceful, quiet, happy, and beautiful. Well, if I can choose a place, that will be in Macau.

I believe that Macau is such a wonderful place. It is very rich in cultures. I want to explore it with my family. I know they are going to enjoy living there. Also, I’d love to travel with them to just enjoy life. If I could only afford to travel with them, I would do so. It has always been my parents’ dream to travel to another country. I wish I’d be able to make that wish come true.

For now, I guess a living in a local province would be great as well. That is a more realistic though. I think places such as Tagaytay and Cebu would be a good option too.

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Those who stay..and those who come and go

Life definitely works in the most mysterious ways. We get to encounter people who may and may not affect us significantly. Like most of the things in this world, there is probably a reason why we meet every person that we meet in our lives.

There are some who are just meant to pass by. These are those we will be having brief interactions with, maybe think that they’re good-looking, but never got the guts to introduce ourselves to that stranger. There are others who just annoys us for whatever reason. But actually, most of the time, we don’t really care about others unless there’s a situation which would put us in the position of caring for them.

On the other hand, there are those kinds of people who would affect our lives in the most significant kind of way. These are the ones who we cannot really forget no matter what part they had in our lives. The more appropriate term for them would be the ones who had left footprints or marks in hearts.

We are lucky when these people stay. Like we real blessed to be given the chance to have moments with them. Those real, happy, exciting, silly, adventurous, intimate, serious, and unforgettable moments we were given with them. It’s comforting to know that they will not leave whatever happens.

But what happens to those who chose not to stay or suddenly drifted away from our lives? What about the people we cared so much for but only cared for us less? What about those who think they are better off without us?

It’s scary to care and invest feelings for someone we actually know wouldn’t stay. We get those moments and think why do we ever meet them? Why does it hurt to let them go? Why do they have to let us go?

Whatever reason there is behind meeting someone in our lives, maybe it’s meant to give us a lesson. Maybe they came in our lives to make us stronger and let us be more of what we need to be as a person. Maybe they just want to teach us that people change. Maybe it’s just really people come and go, and that we’re meant to move on with our lives. Or maybe, maybe, they were meant to come in our lives, make us feel loved, the most blessed, and the luckiest person in the face of the earth. Well, who knows?

 

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To one of the most wonderful people I know, my grandma

I am terribly missing my grandmother right now. On this day, she and my grandpa are reunited again. She wouldn’t need to feel pain anymore. She’s there in that beautiful place where she deserves to be at, for the beautiful soul that she has.

From the moment that I came to this world, she was one of the first people who got to hold me and cuddle me. When I was this little girl, I went to her for some stories of her childhood. I still remember the times that my cousins and I spend our time together playing at the front of my grandparents house. Those were such good memories. As I grew and became a lady, she was there, witnessing me grow and achieve things.

Aside from my mom, she’s one of the most-worried and most-concerned people when I get sick. She was there every moment. I know she’s happy with what I achieved and who I turned out to be.

This beautiful person, my grandma (I call her, “Nanang”), is now gone. Like what all people have been saying, most of us don’t fully appreciate a person, not until they’re gone. I do appreciate her, but now, I am missing her so much. All the little things she does: how she calls me, “Ne” (her term of endearment for her granddaughters), how she kisses my cheek and hugs me, how I had those long conversations with her, how I feel her concern for me, how she lets people know she cares for them, how she got so much passion for helping people, and the list could go on.

I would have done more for her. I would have cared for her when she was at the ICU, but I didn’t pushed myself to find a way. I was just there, I believed at that time that she will wake up again and talk to me again. From the moment I saw her there lying and comatose, I felt my heart crush. I know that she’s been through a lot and she’s fought hard to stay with us. As I was talking to her, I just knew in my heart, that somehow she’s listening to the words we were telling her. I failed to tell her I love her. I was fixated on my idea that I will still have the chance to do that. That chance was robbed off me when she passed away. I feel so much regret about that. But I hope she does know that I love her so so so much. I love how she’s been there for me all through my life. I will never forget her kindness, her love, and her passion.

As I typing this now, I know in my heart that she’s reunited with my grandpa. Finally, after so many years, they’re together again, at heaven, where there is no suffering and no pain.

My dear grandma, my beloved Nanang, I will never forget you. You will always be in my heart. I will always cherish all those memories I shared with you. I will always picture you as my smiling grandma who’s got so much love for her family.

May you rest in peace.

I love you Nanang, my dearest grandma.

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Daily Prompt: Feed Your Senses

Write down the first sight, sound, smell, and sensation you experienced on waking up today. Pick the one you’re most drawn to, and write. (For a bigger challenge, pick the one you’re leastdrawn to.)

 

I woke up at 10:30 in the morning to the sound of my brother’s voice singing at the top of his lungs. Ughhh, this is what I had to deal with everyday, my brother’s great singing skills. Don’t get me wrong but I love my brother. It’s just it would have been better if my sleep wasn’t interrupted by his wailing. Just kidding. As I decided to finally wake up, I smelled our lunch being cooked by my mom. It’s not that much but it definitely reminded my tummy to feel hungry. My youngest brother, meanwhile, is busy playing games on my cellphone.

This scenario every morning might seem annoying but it’s not really. I love waking up with my family as my company. It’s a great feeling that I don’t wake up alone and feel alone throughout the day. Their sight brightens my days instantly in the most un-perfect way.

 

 

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I don’t know how my mom does it

I’ve been probably late for posting this since Mothers’ Day was last Sunday. I know I might be left behind but not totally. I think it’s just fine to give thanks to mothers out there anytime.

 

I don’t know how my mom does it.

She wakes up everyday cooking  breakfast for us.

She does most of the housechores.

She puts up with my father’s constant ramblings and performs her duties as his wife. Though they may have arguments, they still love each other.

She supports our different endeavors in life.

She remains patient despite the troubles we’ve been in.

She loves us for who we are.

She cares for us without asking for anything in return.

She dreams for bright future for each of her children.

She still is a thoughtful daughter to my granny and loving sister to my aunts and uncles.

She does tons of things while entertaining herself with her afternoon TV dramas.

She never gets tired. Even no matter she yells at us, she keeps on taking care of us.

I don’t know how she did it.

Carried us for 9 months in her womb

Gave birth which I know may have caused her pain during the delivery

Stayed awake most of the nights I was crying when I was a baby

Witnessed me learning my first words, taking my first steps

Taught me lessons when I was still a little child

Explained things to me when it all got complicated during college

Not getting angry for my mistakes

Sending me to college

Praying for my success as I start my career as a nurse

Still care for me even if I think I should be a grown-up independent woman now.

She’s a hero and an inspiration. I would not be who I am if it weren’t for my parents. My mom is just so important that I would have been lost without her. Happy Mother’s Day Mom! You’re the best! Thank You so much.

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It’s my Birthday!

My birthday this year has been a break from all the rainy birthdays I had from the past years. I am totally happy that my wish to celebrate it on a sunny day came true. Not only that, I was able to spend my special day with my family.

I’m not like the type who is always able to celebrate birthdays with big parties and alike. I don’t even receive expensive gifts anymore. I guess, as I get older, I get to realize simple things in life that I have yet to appreciate.

I feel contented and happy by the fact that: 1) I did not celebrate my birthday alone, 2) It’s not rainy/stormy, 3) My friends didn’t forget to greet me, 4) My mum cooked for me, 5) Chocolates, and 6) Fangirling.

Totally simple but happy day for me. 🙂 For 21 years of my existence.

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Never Letting Go.

Whenever I meet and get to know a person, I am one of those people who needs a long time to get close to him/her. Yes, I take time to open myself to a person and be comfortable.

Once I get to the point wherein I could share myself and be myself to that person, I make an effort to really know them well, and to make them comfortable with me as well.

What really saddens me is when the time comes when people go on their separate ways. It’s not like a matter of choice but rather an inevitable event for all of us. People come and go.

It’s really hard when we come to the point when we realize someone doesn’t have all the time for us now. We just have to be contented to the fact that we will just feel lucky if they even get to remember us once in awhile.

About these situations, well, I am one those who does not easily let go of my friends. I realized that I am never the one who settles for letting go of a person. I take the effort, at least. But all of us have our limitations. When we feel that we’re being purposefully ignored or forgotten, it hurts us. As much as we don’t want to let go, we don’t have a choice. We move on too, not because we want it, but it’s because we have to.

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People who are meant to stay.

Ever wondered who are these people?

“nods* Yes, we all do get a sentimental moment wherein we wonder who among these who people will never leave us.

In my case, I’m pretty sure, I can check my family on my list. No matter how sometimes they can be so irritating, I just do love them. I don’t ever think they’ll be missing in action in my life.

Friends. Some I was able to keep, some were not. I, constantly, have issues with some people who do not put an effort to stay in my life. I get sad when they don’t remember me, even just a text or tweet, there are those who do not bother.

Over time, I realized that I did not really have to have issues with the people who let me go. Firstly, on my part, when I feel that the person I know is beginning to slip away, I make an effort. When they do not seem to just put the same effort as I do, that’s when I let go. I let them be. That’s the way I know who are these people who are meant to stay in my life. If those ones who leave get away and come back, well, I can always give second chances. We all deserve it.

Right now, I’m interested into making more friends and hopefully not letting them go.