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Those who stay..and those who come and go

Life definitely works in the most mysterious ways. We get to encounter people who may and may not affect us significantly. Like most of the things in this world, there is probably a reason why we meet every person that we meet in our lives.

There are some who are just meant to pass by. These are those we will be having brief interactions with, maybe think that they’re good-looking, but never got the guts to introduce ourselves to that stranger. There are others who just annoys us for whatever reason. But actually, most of the time, we don’t really care about others unless there’s a situation which would put us in the position of caring for them.

On the other hand, there are those kinds of people who would affect our lives in the most significant kind of way. These are the ones who we cannot really forget no matter what part they had in our lives. The more appropriate term for them would be the ones who had left footprints or marks in hearts.

We are lucky when these people stay. Like we real blessed to be given the chance to have moments with them. Those real, happy, exciting, silly, adventurous, intimate, serious, and unforgettable moments we were given with them. It’s comforting to know that they will not leave whatever happens.

But what happens to those who chose not to stay or suddenly drifted away from our lives? What about the people we cared so much for but only cared for us less? What about those who think they are better off without us?

It’s scary to care and invest feelings for someone we actually know wouldn’t stay. We get those moments and think why do we ever meet them? Why does it hurt to let them go? Why do they have to let us go?

Whatever reason there is behind meeting someone in our lives, maybe it’s meant to give us a lesson. Maybe they came in our lives to make us stronger and let us be more of what we need to be as a person. Maybe they just want to teach us that people change. Maybe it’s just really people come and go, and that we’re meant to move on with our lives. Or maybe, maybe, they were meant to come in our lives, make us feel loved, the most blessed, and the luckiest person in the face of the earth. Well, who knows?

 

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Stick with Me?

In my entire life I would say that I made a decent number of friends. Take note of the word, “made”, not “kept”. Maybe I am not a keeper to begin with or maybe I just know who are the ones to keep.

I was never the one who can make lots of friends and be friendly to all people. It’s so rare when I feel completely comfortable with a person the first time I meet him or her. When I make friends, I do enjoy getting to know them more. As I get more at ease with them, I share who I am to them, little by little. In time, they will see that I am a loyal friend.

Through the years, I think I kept the friends who are worth keeping. I’m glad to say that I still have the ones who I know will stick with me till the very end. I would like to call these people, “Soulsisters”. They just knew the real me. I can be myself with them, tell anything I wanted to. It’s like even if we do not see each other that much, we still talk and find a way to reach out.

I am very thankful to my soulsisters, to the ones who were there for me in my lowest and highest points in life. My life will so incomplete without them making me feel better everytime I mess up in life. I just love them.

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Ooops. I’m sorry I was awkward

Oh yes. Maybe I am becoming so much socially awkward than I’ve ever been before. Maybe I didn’t know anymore how to act in the socially acceptable way of socializing to my friends. What the eff? I am once again accused of being so quiet and that seems to be a bad thing.

For the nth time, my friends noticed I was not talking that much. What am I supposed to do? I’ve been talking, like really talking. I was replying to the conversations. I was asking questions. I was telling stories about myself. Heck, I even though I’ve made a few funny jokes. What do they want to hear?

Instances like this bother me. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still me. I am still the Jenny that I used to be, just a bit better I think.  Maybe, they don’t know me anymore. Maybe they forgot how I really was.

Oh wait. Maybe they’re talking so much about themselves, then, when they finally decided to give me their full attention, I panicked. Yeah. I don’t feel so comfortable when everyone’s attention is on me. I begin to stutter. I hate it when that happens.

Don’t get me wrong I love my friends but I am mostly irritated when people point out that I am quiet. There’s nothing wrong with it. I really wish people would become sensitive to what others feel. Sometimes, it’s better to shut up than point it out.

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Hi’s and Hello’s

One of my most favorite things in the world is being remembered by my friends. It brings a smile to my face when they message me and ask me how I’ve been doing or what’s up w/ me right now. I like the feeling knowing that somehow they are still aware of my existence. That somewhere I am still struggling with my life and they know that they must catch up w/ me.

I also appreciate it when my friends tell their stories to me. It makes me feel as if they trust me enough to still care about their life, which I must say, I still do. It gives me the impression that I am privileged since they want to keep me in their lives.

I guess friendship is really measured in terms of who decides to make an effort to be a constant part of your life. It’s like, I don’t want to go after those people who forgets me the moment that they are faced with their so-called busy life. Everybody makes time for people they love.

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End of another chapter

It’s been a good four month-training at the hospital. It definitely taught me a lot of things I would have never learned from school. I’ve got the first taste of what it is like to become a professional nurse, someone who practices her chosen field.

First of all, I am very aware that I wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t for some people who helped me. I know that this looks like a speech but it’s not. It’s like, I don’t know, maybe fate has intervened to make me start my nursing career. I would have never thought that I would become one of the lucky ones who got a chance to practice nursing so suddenly after passing the board exam.

I somehow felt proud of myself. In my four months training, I encountered different types of patients, with different diagnosis, with different personalities, with different demands, with different significant others, etc. It felt good to become a part of someone’s life in such a short span of time. I know that I may have not done that much but when I see my patients smile or relieved from their pain, I feel good. I feel as if I’ve made the right decision of pursuing this career. The thanks that I have received, that made me feel fulfilled.

On the other hand, I felt worried about my general performance. I admit that skills-wise, I am not the one who definitely excels at it. I tend to make a lot of mistakes and I chastise myself for every single one of them. With every mistake I commit, I felt as though I was being judged, worse, I was being laughed at and judged by everyone who saw my mistake. I know that it is a pretty harsh thing to do to myself, but I cannot help it. I feel like I way more inferior to others. It’s not so easy to cope with those kinds of feelings. I wish I would get over it soon and gain confidence.

However, I think, the best part that happened in my training was meeting new friends to whom I created a bond with. It’s always good to make new acquaintances. I shared lots of memories with them and felt like I was really welcomed by the group.

All in all, my final thought: I am hoping that there’ll be a positive output from my four-months training. I hope that I can be hired in one of the company hospitals that I am eyeing. I want to stay positive and hopefully throw my worries away.

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friends

I realized how lucky I am to find such true friends and keep them up until now. I am truly blessed because they are the type of friends that I don’t need to see that often to make me feel that they care about me.

I didn’t actually have lots of close friends. I only have a few who are very worthy of keeping.

I could talk to them life forever about random things about our lives. We can laugh and joke about everything and never get tired of it. We cried together. We laughed at the silly things we did. They are practically my sisters and I do feel very protective of them.

It’s just great that even if we seem to have different paths taken in our lives, we are somehow still interconnected, still close to each other.

I am forever thankful to them that they stick with me from my worst to best shape. I am lucky to have them in my life, knowing that they are one of the things that I would never dare to imagine to lose.

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Dedication post to my friend and other friend.

*Another rant post of mine* (Well, actually, all are rant posts)

Friend1

I was so touched by her gesture yesterday. I know we’re all busy and everything, but she made an effort to drop by my house and give me a gift for my birthday. Unfortunately, I was not home when she came there. But my brother told me that she dropped by and left me a milk tea (which I totally love), a rose, and a letter. Actually, I did not expect to receive anything from my college friends because I know we’re all broke (for the mean time, cause we’re still fresh grads and unemployed). And still, she surprised me. I appreciated her simple gifts and will definitely treasure it. Her letter was funny too, I was smiling the whole time I was reading it. Then, I called her yesterday to bombard her with all the Thank You’s I can give.

Friend 2

She’s a high school friend of mine. She’s one of those friends that even if you don’t see her for a long time, she’s someone who never forgets. I got a text from her 3 days before my birthday. She was all worried and greeted me in advance because she was afraid she might forget it since she’s busy preparing for her Board Exam. She’s funny though and I love this friend of mine because she greeted me each day until today. She does not know how she added up to my happiness level today.

Haha. Boring post is boring. This is my blog anyway. So, there it goes.

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It’s my Birthday!

My birthday this year has been a break from all the rainy birthdays I had from the past years. I am totally happy that my wish to celebrate it on a sunny day came true. Not only that, I was able to spend my special day with my family.

I’m not like the type who is always able to celebrate birthdays with big parties and alike. I don’t even receive expensive gifts anymore. I guess, as I get older, I get to realize simple things in life that I have yet to appreciate.

I feel contented and happy by the fact that: 1) I did not celebrate my birthday alone, 2) It’s not rainy/stormy, 3) My friends didn’t forget to greet me, 4) My mum cooked for me, 5) Chocolates, and 6) Fangirling.

Totally simple but happy day for me. 🙂 For 21 years of my existence.

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Never Letting Go.

Whenever I meet and get to know a person, I am one of those people who needs a long time to get close to him/her. Yes, I take time to open myself to a person and be comfortable.

Once I get to the point wherein I could share myself and be myself to that person, I make an effort to really know them well, and to make them comfortable with me as well.

What really saddens me is when the time comes when people go on their separate ways. It’s not like a matter of choice but rather an inevitable event for all of us. People come and go.

It’s really hard when we come to the point when we realize someone doesn’t have all the time for us now. We just have to be contented to the fact that we will just feel lucky if they even get to remember us once in awhile.

About these situations, well, I am one those who does not easily let go of my friends. I realized that I am never the one who settles for letting go of a person. I take the effort, at least. But all of us have our limitations. When we feel that we’re being purposefully ignored or forgotten, it hurts us. As much as we don’t want to let go, we don’t have a choice. We move on too, not because we want it, but it’s because we have to.

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People who are meant to stay.

Ever wondered who are these people?

“nods* Yes, we all do get a sentimental moment wherein we wonder who among these who people will never leave us.

In my case, I’m pretty sure, I can check my family on my list. No matter how sometimes they can be so irritating, I just do love them. I don’t ever think they’ll be missing in action in my life.

Friends. Some I was able to keep, some were not. I, constantly, have issues with some people who do not put an effort to stay in my life. I get sad when they don’t remember me, even just a text or tweet, there are those who do not bother.

Over time, I realized that I did not really have to have issues with the people who let me go. Firstly, on my part, when I feel that the person I know is beginning to slip away, I make an effort. When they do not seem to just put the same effort as I do, that’s when I let go. I let them be. That’s the way I know who are these people who are meant to stay in my life. If those ones who leave get away and come back, well, I can always give second chances. We all deserve it.

Right now, I’m interested into making more friends and hopefully not letting them go.