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Hoping

So, I’ve been long gone and now I’m back again. I know I have been kind of neglecting my blog. There are just thousand reasons why I haven’t posted much lately.

The thing is I finally decided to make my own book blog. I’ve been busy writing reviews and stuff. It’s like my stress reliever next to reading books..blogging about books. Anyway, enough of that..

Back to my life, I can say that I probably been much hopeful of all the things occurring to me right now. It seems that I can finally get back on track when it comes to my career. I’ve been accepted again for a training program. I’m just so grateful to have been given another chance. This time I will make the best out of this opportunity. I will fight for it because I want to friggin achieve my goal. I don’t want to stay lost. I feel as if this is divine intervention. Lol. Okay, I think I sound weird but whatever.

There’s always still a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to be afraid..to worry..but I know I better not. Why should I be? I really am feeling hopeful. I want to stay like this as much as I can. I’m tired of negativity. I want to see myself as someone who’s better, stronger, braver, and more ambitious. Enough for my wasting of time. I might be still a little lost but I can feel that I am finally finding my way back to where I should really be in.

I’m just really really happy. I know I am saying this because I am just about to start on my journey again in my career. Hopefully, I will not tire of being positive for a long long time. I wish I could keep this optimism. Fate, family, friends, and books definitely helped changing my outlook in life.

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Things crossed off from my bucket list

Okay, so I’m pretty sure that many of us have made their own bucket lists. As for mine, it doesn’t contain many but I’m proud that most of the stuff I put there..I was able to accomplish already. Here are the items in my bucket list:

  1. Save more money.
  2. Get a new hairstyle.
  3. Make a book blog and update it regularly.
  4. Learn new things.
  5. Try to go back to my nursing career.
  6. Live and eat healthier.
  7. Treat family for dinner/lunch/whatever.
  8. Pass exams (IELTS)
  9. Socialize more
  10. Go to freaking gym
  11. Attend a book signing event
  12. Visit places I’ve never been to
  13. Read more books and buy a new bookshelf
  14. Undergo further training for my career
  15. Go to a concert
  16. Watch fireworks show
  17. Go to Manila International Book Fair and Bookstore Warehouse Sale
  18. Have an online business.
  19. Get a signed book.
  20. Buy an e-book reader.
  21. Go outside more often.
  22. Be brave. Take chances.
  23. Fight for my decisions.

I know!! Most of the items in my bucket list are pretty lame. I think I should get more creative eh? Perhaps, go ziplining or diving? I would have to save up for that then. Oh and I gotta work on my socializing, saving money, and getting healthy. I’m pretty proud of myself though for accomplishing some of the things in the list.

 

I’m just sharing. Anybody else who got their own bucket list for 2014? 🙂

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It’s a blur!!!!!!

“Oh gosh!” is definitely my favorite expression nowadays. You see, one day it’s January 1st..then now it’s the 24th. How can time fly by so fast? I was so laid back that I thought I would be able to finish a lot this month. Unfortunately, I still have loads of goals to meet. On the brighter side of things though, I accomplished various stuff as well.

For instance, I thought that I wouldn’t even make the half of the Zero to Hero: 30 Days to a Better Blog Challenge. The thing is I don’t want to give up. I know I have been procrastinating but I want to have the satisfaction of completing the challenge.

Also, January has led me to act on what I wish to achieve. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I was planning to open an online bookshop in instagram. I am really delighted that I had so many customers in my first week. I am fangirling over the fact that I made it. I started to envision it..got obsessed with..and made it happen. So, yay! for me.

There are some stuff that I still wasn’t able to do. I will be giving emphasis to hitting the gym and work out. Oh gosh, I am such a lazy person. Lol. I keep on procrastinating!! I guess I should be working on that because the only thing I need is to “want to go to gym” like really go..

Okay, so enough ranting for now..I got more to post and catch up on..

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A quick summary of what I am supposed to accomplish for January

New Year, New Resolutions. As I have pointed out from my previous posts, I am daring myself to make braver choices. I think everyone has a room for improvement and it’s never too late to want that for yourself. So, here I am sharing some of the things I am demanding myself to accomplish for January:

  • Read more books: I have mentioned here that I joined the GoodReads Reading Challenge. My goal is 100 books for this year. I have just finished only 1. Hopefully, I will not continue my procrastination in reading books.
  • Start an online business: I got this idea of selling preloved books on Instagram. Take note, ever since I discovered that there are LOTS of online shops selling books for cheaper prices, I must admit that my obsession for buying books has intensified. From that, I have decided to try my luck in business. I will try to help my fellow bookworms here to find books at more affordable prices. I just really really hope that this plan of mine pushes through.
  • Save MORE money:I always sucked at being thrifty. So, one of my most important goals to achieve is this. I have been reading much lately about tips on saving money. I have listed them at my journal and now..I am trying my best to follow them and save for myself.
  • Complete a blog challenge: My previous posts were all about the Zero to Hero blog challenge. I know I have missed some of the tasks but I am trying to catch up and do my best to learn as well as explore WordPress.
  • Get a new haircut: I am like most girls out there who gets tired of her haircut once in awhile. Again, in my mission to make braver choices, I am going to get a new haircut which would be shorter than I prefer. Okay, I’m seriously getting excited for this. I hope that I’ll be able to find time to do this.
  • Hit the GYM: This is one of my new year’s resolution which has not been achieved or been tried to be started EVER. Hopefully, by the end of this month, I will be hitting the gym for a healthier me. This is a promise to myself which I should never break.
  • Seriously make an effort to go back to NURSING: This one seems to be the hardest one to accomplish. With the employment rate of nurses here in our country, this is indeed a challenge. However, I will still submit more applications to several hospitals..so I can practice my profession. I am also intending to join trainings to gain more experience before my nursing knowledge and skills begin to fade away in my memories (just kidding).

There it goes. My list of goals for January. I shall post an update at the end of the month about whether I accomplish these or not. I am trying to be positive that I will achieve all of these. I just have to BELIEVE THAT I CAN.

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A New Year for Adventures and Lessons

My 22nd birthday just passed. I came to realize many things about my life. There are not much but still these are pretty important for me. A year older than I was, I am still the same old me. I think I’ve been living on the “SAFE” side of my life for too long. Having just read a blog post about doing something new, I think I would want to do something that will make me feel proud of myself, of my decisions.

So, for this year, I guess I have to push myself to be braver. By that, I mean to let go of all the things that are holding me back. I have always been a worrier. That did nothing to make my life better. It held me back from the opportunities that I should I have taken. I have no regrets though. What makes feel good about myself right now is that I was able to stand by what I believe will make me happy in the long run. I can’t even blame myself or any other people for what is happening to my life. I guess I have to accept the reality. The good thing about acknowledging reality is that it helped me determine where I stand. Somehow, this provides comfort because I am still living a pretty much blessed life.

A new year for adventures and lessons:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”- Mark Twain

I just love how this quote by Mark Twain reminded me on how life should be lived.  One part of me tells me to be safe and cautious in everything. However, that will be so boring for me. So, as a change, I will strive to be braver to try out new things and never hold back as long as I am doing the right thing. I don’t want to grow old and feel unfulfilled after all.

Day by day, I will live my life to the fullest as much as I can. I will not allow myself to be stagnant. There’s no way it will happen. I know I am destined for something that will make me happy and I deserve it.

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Should you always chase after the opportunities?

There are times that opportunities come and present itself to you. Do you instantly grab the opportunity head on without getting scared of what the future might bring?  Or..do you decide first if you should take it because well you weigh your options and think of what will happen to you if you do it? Will you be happy when you do it?

Being in a dilemma when presented such opportunities is really bothering. Like come on! You should be brave and take up the challenge and grab the opportunity that is taring you straight at your eyes. Then, on the other hand, you feel like “I can’t do this” or “I can’t be happy with this. I wouldn’t take it.”

(Cue the sighs.) It’s hard to be in a situation like this when your practicality fights over your heart. Which should you let to win over?

It’s really hard to tell honestly. On one side of the situation, practicality must win over the heart because that’s what will give you a decent life. That is what is more logical to do. On the other hand, would you let the mind go over the heart? Will you still do something when your heart is not into it? Will you?

Where will you be happy?

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Daily Prompt: Silver Linings

Write about something you consider “ugly” — war, violence, failure, hatred — but try to find beauty, or a sense of hope, in your thoughts.

 

Losing trust in oneself  is ugly. Just the thought of not being able to trust your capabilities is one of the worst feelings in this world. This usually occurs when you’ve failed so much, over and over again. It just gets too much and you wonder: Will I ever get one thing done correctly? Will I ever get out of this misery? Will I ever be happy?

Apparently, you don’t know the answers to those questions you’ve been asking yourself. After all, you feel so broken to even bother dealing with life and fight. You think of a way of getting out.

Then, there’s little voice inside your mind that keeps pushing you to move on. You hear this voice telling you to be strong and keep fighting. You think back about all the things that have happened. Finally, you realized that you’ve been through a lot, and yes, you are still alive and breathing. You start to recognize that voice. You begin to feel hope.

That’s where you suddenly get inspiration. You get tired of misery and think that you’ve got to put an end to it. The result, you fight against your doubts and  regain trust to yourself. You suddenly begin to see things in a new perspective. You want to move on, fight against your negative thoughts, live the most out of your life, and just feel happy.

Sometimes losing trust in oneself drives you to step back and have a reflection. This makes you evaluate how your life unfolded after all the things that you’ve been through. You feel stronger and better than before. This is because you’ve known what it feels like to be at your lowest point. Instead of being stuck on that point, you continue struggling with life, not because you feel you had to, but because you want to do something better to make yourself happier.

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I Won’t Give Up

Dear my-ever-doubting-self,

Everything’s going fine, isn’t it? You’ve made it this far. You’ve worked hard to get to this point. You may have those persistent and annoying self-doubt thoughts in your head and yes, you are strong enough to put them in rest sometimes. It is hard. You struggle, you have so much things going on. You try to balance things in your head.

You berate yourself for making mistakes. Stop doing that. It is good to make mistakes. Nothing is wrong with it. I know feel bad because you think that you look like a fool in the eyes of others or they belittle you for your mistakes. Learn to learn from it. There’s no other way around it than to accept it and try to be better, not bitter.

You are strong. Keep that in mind. Don’t let anybody step on you. Fight if you have to. But be silent when it is right to do so.

Respect yourself. It’s the only way that others are going to respect you too.

Make friends. Laugh with them. Learn from them. Don’t let them drift away. Hold on to them.

Another note, don’t give u, okay? You’ll make it. Whatever it is you want to achieve, you”ll eventually have it as long as you work your ass off.

Smile. Try your hardest. Better your best. Don’t stop. You can do it.

Love,

Your optimistic-and-loving-self

 

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It was never easy.

Enough for the previous love-talk of mine. Instead, I should really focus on starting my career. Actually, I don’t even know where to start. I have  lots of dilemmas in my mind. I know that I should learn to prioritize.

As much as I want to work in a hospital, I am still having second-thoughts. It’s not because of the stress that I will be facing because I know whatever job I choose to apply for, I will be needing lots of hardwork and that will include me facing stress. Maybe, I can blame my never ending self-doubt.

“Nobody said it was easy.” I remembered the lines of Coldplay’s The Scientist. Yes, this is all for sure. We all want to start something that can change us and our lives but it’s never that easy.

I am a starter and together with that I am very much of a dreamer. I have lots of plans and goals that I want to achieve. That is because I want to prove something to myself and to the people around me. I don’t want to be a loser.

The path that I will be taking is still unclear to me. One thing is definite in my mind though. Everytime someone tells me what to do with my career or does a decision for me, I get really upset and angry. It’s not because I am a narrow-minded person but I’d rather make plans for myself. It’s my life anyway. I did not mean to be rude to those people since I know they’re only concerned but they’ve got to understand that not all things depend on what they want to happen.

Right now, I want  to get hired, so badly, in a work which is medical-related. It just frustrates me because it turns out that applying for a position in hospitals requires a lot of connection with the people inside it. It’s unfair because I don’t have one. Hopefully, I’ll find an exception to this though.

I have lots of alternative plans too, in case I’ll have a hard time with hospitals. I can still go to HMOs or Medical Transcriptionist Companies. I really hope, the opportunities don’t run out.

At this moment, I’m setting my mind to finish all the trainings that are essential for a nurse. Hopefully, I will be able to pass all of those and be hired soon. I just want to get started with my career. I don’t want to stay and sit here and just dream of my dreams.

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Keeping expectations in check.

Over the past few days, I’ve been living my life in a blur, just going with the flow, going where life takes me. I take little steps, planning on things first before I actually pounce on something to accomplish it. I think it’s really risky to rush things. I can be spontaneous too, I tend to do things out of nowhere too and enjoy the outcome. But I guess at this point of my life, I need to recheck my life and do plans, at least short term plans.

So, right now, I have these short-term plans but I do not expect that much, because I know it might hurt if those expectations don’t happen. I sometimes hate people for expecting too much of me. So, there, I’m just being careful. I can hope I guess. Expecting and hoping are two different things right?