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So much going on at the moment

Hi everyone! I figured that it has been a month since my last post here. The thing is there have been so much going on at the moment. I loved all of it actually. Despite the fact that I am so busy, I feel as though I am so happy to be finally doing a lot of stuff again. I felt that I have been in love with my profession again no matter how difficult it could be.

So, I have been undergoing a hospital training again. Lol. I know. This is already my second time and I am hoping that it will really turn out well. I had my fair share of facepalm worthy moments at my training though. Most of the time I find myself cringing over those moments but I better begin to laugh it off as to not embarrass myself that much. Actually, I’ve been living in a way in which I should just enjoy everything that I have right now. It has been my mindset lately.. to just enjoy what’s happening even if it’s actually stressing me out. In this way, I think I have been able to cope up with the actual stress of the training program.

I am learning a lot. I am thankful that I get another shot to practicing the nursing profession. There are times when anxiety creeps up on me but I do my best to shrug it off. I have to believe that I can make it. I read some novels wherein this saying frequently appears, “Fake til you Make it.” Even though it kinda makes sense, I don’t think you should be faking anything to make it. It should be Work it til you Make it or something instead. It definitely does have more sense. You’ll make it when you work for it. It’s from the hardships that accomplishments and success come from.

Here’s what my realization is at this point in my life:

I am so indecisive and that fact scares the hell out of me. I am not so sure of everything. Call it fear of the unknown. Maybe that’s what I am so scared of. But…what propels me to keep moving on? All I can think of is FAITH. I have faith in my FAITH. I believe that everything’s going to be alright soon. I’m going to find my way to happiness. Call me cheesy or whatever you want but I think that’s how I have been living my life. If I’m not going to have faith in myself and God..maybe I’d be so lost and I’d drown in anxiety and confusion.

Yes. It is hard. But that’s what life is. Life doesn’t go easy on everyone. I’ve never head or known someone who had/has an easy life. No matter what happens, you just need to keep moving. You can be afraid but don’t let it stop you from getting what you want in life. Fight for it. Don’t be a coward. Don’t let an opportunity pass. Every once in awhile, do something that makes your adrenaline rush out of your system. After all the craziness has been over, you’ll feel accomplished and proud of yourself..that you helped yourself get through it.

 

Oh and I want to thank everyone who still has stuck to following this journal-like blog of mine. You guys take care!

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Things crossed off from my bucket list

Okay, so I’m pretty sure that many of us have made their own bucket lists. As for mine, it doesn’t contain many but I’m proud that most of the stuff I put there..I was able to accomplish already. Here are the items in my bucket list:

  1. Save more money.
  2. Get a new hairstyle.
  3. Make a book blog and update it regularly.
  4. Learn new things.
  5. Try to go back to my nursing career.
  6. Live and eat healthier.
  7. Treat family for dinner/lunch/whatever.
  8. Pass exams (IELTS)
  9. Socialize more
  10. Go to freaking gym
  11. Attend a book signing event
  12. Visit places I’ve never been to
  13. Read more books and buy a new bookshelf
  14. Undergo further training for my career
  15. Go to a concert
  16. Watch fireworks show
  17. Go to Manila International Book Fair and Bookstore Warehouse Sale
  18. Have an online business.
  19. Get a signed book.
  20. Buy an e-book reader.
  21. Go outside more often.
  22. Be brave. Take chances.
  23. Fight for my decisions.

I know!! Most of the items in my bucket list are pretty lame. I think I should get more creative eh? Perhaps, go ziplining or diving? I would have to save up for that then. Oh and I gotta work on my socializing, saving money, and getting healthy. I’m pretty proud of myself though for accomplishing some of the things in the list.

 

I’m just sharing. Anybody else who got their own bucket list for 2014? 🙂

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When nothing happens like the way you planned it

Most of the time, we feel like control is necessary to make ourselves feel like we have everything on track. The most common thing we do to make sure we can control our lives is  planning. I admit that I am one of those who needs to constantly plan about everything in my life. If I don’t have it, I feel as though everything will be in a mess. Though I have a point in that, I am starting to believe that plans aren’t really that much necessary in some circumstances.

Why do I begin to believe that? Well, like we all know there are things in life that don’t happen the way we plan it or imagine it. I think it would be really wonderful to just get lost for a moment, try to figure out things, and go with the flow. That’s what we live for right? To find why we are here and what will make us happy. I guess that’s it. When things go wrong, there will come a time that things will go right. Gosh. Sometimes I don’t even really know what I am talking about. I could just hope and hope and hope because I know eventually things will go right. I will find my happiness and purpose.

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2013 Wrap up

It’s another year that has finished. Like they say, “Time flies by”. We are again in the point when we reminisce and reflect about the year that has passed.

To be honest, I must say that this year is a roller coaster ride though most of it was on plateau. It’s not like the negative kind of plateau but rather boring. I stayed in my comfort zone and did not do anything to be out of it. The plateau would refer to me choosing the easier way in which I don’t have to make an effort. Actually, I don’t regret anything that I have decided. In fact, I am really happy to have made those decisions. I’ve learned my lessons.

2013 is not an easy year though it’s mostly spent in plateau. In the beginning of the year, I get to practice my career as a nurse. It was such a happy moment for me. I got to learn and do what I was taught in nursing school. I realized that it’s indeed a noble profession to be in. Compassion and dedication are needed to pursue it. I’ve come across different people.. and faced with unexpected experiences. One of which was seeing a patient deteriorating and dying before my eyes. I felt like I had to detach from that moment..to prevent from crying because I need to be strong. It was a bit similar to the movies. In the mid-April, I finished my nursing training. I was successful and yet I felt like I shouldn’t take the opportunity of working in the hospital setting.

Since then, my father and I had some sort of disagreement with regards to my career, a definite down in my roller coaster ride. He said that I should have pursued it. I said I would not be happy working there. In the end, I stood by my decision. I followed my heart. It was a rough decision between practicality and happiness. Until now, I don’t know what to make out of it. Probably, I just chickened out because I was scared of failure. Or probably, there is something behind the turn of events that somehow makes it right.

By June, my grandmother passed away. She was really an angel in my life. She has always stood by my side, my defender in many ways. Like I said before, I’m just happy that my she and my grandfather are now together in heaven, a bit relieved that she didn’t need to feel pain anymore.

In September, I got freelance writing jobs. That’s when I thought that maybe I am meant to be a writer. I’m happy to have discovered this side of me. I have always loved writing because of my love for reading. Anyway, even if I am enjoying the perks of the job, I still miss dealing with patients and helping them. I miss nursing..but I guess it’s really true that you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone. I let the opportunity pass and here I am feeling slightly sorry about it but not so sorry about it (lol seriously I have a bad case of ambivalence).

Right now, what can I say..Yes I am thankful for everything that has happened. I’m still figuring this out but eventually things will unfold for me. I’ve pointed out before that I have always believed that all things happen for a reason.

Like I said, my year has been on a plateau but still a roller coaster ride. I remembered a character in John Green’s novel, “The Fault in Our Stars”. It’s Augustus Waters and he said there that he is on a roller coaster that only goes up. I want my life to be like that. A roller coaster that only goes up. A life that is so colorful because I learned to take calculated risks and be brave. That’s what I am going to do in 2014. Take risks, believe in what I can do.. and where fate takes me.

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Note to Self # 3: One step at a time

You might get confused with what’s happening to your life. It’s totally fine. There are so many things that can get you so indecisive. That’s why it’s hard to make decisions. Every move made is vital because it will be a foundation of your future. In your thoughts, you may think, “Don’t you dare mess this up.” Guess what? Don’t over-think like you always did. What matters is that you don’t rush into things. Take one step at a time. Consider your feelings. Ask yourself if you will be really happy if you do this. After that, keep a positive mindset. That’s the only way you’ll have your success.

 

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Daily Prompt: Practice Makes Perfect

Tell us about a talent you’d love to have… but don’t.

We all have frustrations in life. One of those is having the talents that we wish we have but unfortunately we don’t. Like the old saying said, “You can never have it all.” I’m pretty much contented with the talents that I believe I have. Though that’s the case, there are still other talents that I wish I am capable of doing. These are acting, dancing, and drawing/sketching.

I have always believed that I pretty much suck at acting. When I was still studying, I remember how I was so self-conscious when we were told to have role plays. I wish I was someone braver and more charismatic. Now, I don’t care at all. I just wish that I am good at it but not so much frustrated that I cannot do it well.

With dancing, I think I am capable of it. Capable of doing it only when required to do so. In other cases, I just dance when I’m just all by myself. Again, I’m too much self-conscious to dance with other people around. I am still actually hoping that there would be one day that I would not mind dancing with people around because I’d really like to try out workouts with dancing stuff involved.

Lastly, I think I’d love to be talented in drawing/sketching. As a child, I have drew the usual stick figures and the semi-decent human figures. That was way back then. There are times when I can pretty much do a sketch but it’s not that good. Have I ever mentioned that being an interior designer is one of my greatest frustrations in life? Yeah, probably not.

Anyway, even if I’d love to have those mentioned talents, I guess I just have to do the best with what I have. I am pretty sure that there’s a reason why we are given our own talents that is to improve ourselves and prove to ourselves that we are A-W-E-S-O-M-E even if there are some things that we wish we could do and have.

 

 

 

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Follow your heart. Then, leave everything to fate and faith.

Now I’d say, follow your heart. Then leave everything to fate and faith. If following your heart doesn’t work, I don’t know what will. That’s the most logical thing if you want to be happy in life. It’s not always about practicality. Live for God, yourself next, and for your loved ones. Don’t mind pleasing others.

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Daily Prompt: Earworm

Write whatever you normally write about, and weave in a book quote, film quote, or song lyric that’s been sticking with you this week.

Here I am again, as usual confused with what to do with my life. It seems that my life is a long series of confusion and uncertainties. It’s just that I want to be able to do something that I really love. I don’t want to get stuck doing something that feels wrong to me. I just wish that I can just make a reckless decision to make myself happy.

“Apparently, the world is not a wish-granting factory.”

-The Fault in Our Stars, John Green

 

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Daily Prompt: The Birthday Freebies Law of 2013

You have the power to enact a single law. What would it be?

As a rightful citizen of my country and of this world, I will push the enactment of  The Birthday Freebies Law of 2013. This is to give to give happiness for everyone who is celebrating their birthday. This aims to give the celebrants the feeling that they can be lucky, happy, and special on this very day. This law entitles a birthday celebrant to have his/her 10 wishes be grant on the day of his/her birth. Why 10 wishes? Well, I dunno, it should have been more but the government will need loads o funds if it will be more than 10 wishes.

There is no age limit for the people who would get their birthday freebies. All they need to do is pass a list of their 10 wishes for their upcoming birthday to the government, and the government shall provide an agency to make sure that birthday freebies are given to all of its citizens. Whatever wish it is, as long as it is possible, it shall be granted. I know this is crazy, but come on, we all need some magic or some kind of fairy god mothers/fathers in our lives. So, here it is a law that can make people’s dreams come true even for just one day.

We are all entitled to happiness and all the blessings in this world. Wouldn’t it be nice if all of has would have this yearly freebies for our birthdays? I would so push this, if I had the chance to enact this law.

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Daily Prompt: Silver Linings

Write about something you consider “ugly” — war, violence, failure, hatred — but try to find beauty, or a sense of hope, in your thoughts.

 

Losing trust in oneself  is ugly. Just the thought of not being able to trust your capabilities is one of the worst feelings in this world. This usually occurs when you’ve failed so much, over and over again. It just gets too much and you wonder: Will I ever get one thing done correctly? Will I ever get out of this misery? Will I ever be happy?

Apparently, you don’t know the answers to those questions you’ve been asking yourself. After all, you feel so broken to even bother dealing with life and fight. You think of a way of getting out.

Then, there’s little voice inside your mind that keeps pushing you to move on. You hear this voice telling you to be strong and keep fighting. You think back about all the things that have happened. Finally, you realized that you’ve been through a lot, and yes, you are still alive and breathing. You start to recognize that voice. You begin to feel hope.

That’s where you suddenly get inspiration. You get tired of misery and think that you’ve got to put an end to it. The result, you fight against your doubts and  regain trust to yourself. You suddenly begin to see things in a new perspective. You want to move on, fight against your negative thoughts, live the most out of your life, and just feel happy.

Sometimes losing trust in oneself drives you to step back and have a reflection. This makes you evaluate how your life unfolded after all the things that you’ve been through. You feel stronger and better than before. This is because you’ve known what it feels like to be at your lowest point. Instead of being stuck on that point, you continue struggling with life, not because you feel you had to, but because you want to do something better to make yourself happier.