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Sighs, face-palm moments, and life in general

Well, that was such a long title. Sorry about that. I was just really busy with stuff going on with my life. I really don’t want to abandon this blog though. It has been a huge help for me to express myself and relieve my stress. Writing will always be one of my passions in life.

Anyway, I think I changed in a lot of ways compared to the one writing on this blog several months before. Now, I felt like something in me changed dramatically. When I got a position as a staff nurse in a hospital, I felt as though I need to force myself to be more responsible and more mature. I feel lots of things changing. Also, I realized how complicated and difficult life could be. Thank goodness to my family, friends, books, and the internet, I kept myself sane. Lol.

Also, I kept thinking to myself..kept questioning myself..if I can survive my job/my profession. Sometimes, I just want to hate myself for being so unsure of many things. What am I supposed to do? I know people at my age are supposed to figure out things and focus more on career building. I feel like sighing various times. Life is indeed not very simple. You have to consider lots of things.

Yesterday, I felt so exhausted..with what happened to me at work. I felt myself crumbling..shattered inside because oh well..I thought that I am as not as efficient as I am supposed to be. I just broke down and cried. After all, I need to take my stress out of myself or else I am going to burst. I miss the comfort of life but would it be a life worth living if I just settled for mediocre things? Dream at home about the extraordinary things I could do, or be at places I want to go? I could not do that. I have to work and move my ass for my dreams. I internally tell myself to fight, to be brave, and to be courageous. I hope I can conquer all the fears and insecurities that I have. This will be a long fight and a long journey.

I am grateful for the time I have off my work but my negative thoughts kept plaguing my mind..the kind of facepalm-worthy memories that keep on flashing..urghhh..It can be really so frustrating. I guess I’ll get over this soon enough..and when I say soon..I hope really soooon.

Considering all those things aside, I think I’ve been lucky to get a job in my line of profession. I am mostly thankful for everything that I have now.

I’ll be back sometime soon.

-Jenny

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So much going on at the moment

Hi everyone! I figured that it has been a month since my last post here. The thing is there have been so much going on at the moment. I loved all of it actually. Despite the fact that I am so busy, I feel as though I am so happy to be finally doing a lot of stuff again. I felt that I have been in love with my profession again no matter how difficult it could be.

So, I have been undergoing a hospital training again. Lol. I know. This is already my second time and I am hoping that it will really turn out well. I had my fair share of facepalm worthy moments at my training though. Most of the time I find myself cringing over those moments but I better begin to laugh it off as to not embarrass myself that much. Actually, I’ve been living in a way in which I should just enjoy everything that I have right now. It has been my mindset lately.. to just enjoy what’s happening even if it’s actually stressing me out. In this way, I think I have been able to cope up with the actual stress of the training program.

I am learning a lot. I am thankful that I get another shot to practicing the nursing profession. There are times when anxiety creeps up on me but I do my best to shrug it off. I have to believe that I can make it. I read some novels wherein this saying frequently appears, “Fake til you Make it.” Even though it kinda makes sense, I don’t think you should be faking anything to make it. It should be Work it til you Make it or something instead. It definitely does have more sense. You’ll make it when you work for it. It’s from the hardships that accomplishments and success come from.

Here’s what my realization is at this point in my life:

I am so indecisive and that fact scares the hell out of me. I am not so sure of everything. Call it fear of the unknown. Maybe that’s what I am so scared of. But…what propels me to keep moving on? All I can think of is FAITH. I have faith in my FAITH. I believe that everything’s going to be alright soon. I’m going to find my way to happiness. Call me cheesy or whatever you want but I think that’s how I have been living my life. If I’m not going to have faith in myself and God..maybe I’d be so lost and I’d drown in anxiety and confusion.

Yes. It is hard. But that’s what life is. Life doesn’t go easy on everyone. I’ve never head or known someone who had/has an easy life. No matter what happens, you just need to keep moving. You can be afraid but don’t let it stop you from getting what you want in life. Fight for it. Don’t be a coward. Don’t let an opportunity pass. Every once in awhile, do something that makes your adrenaline rush out of your system. After all the craziness has been over, you’ll feel accomplished and proud of yourself..that you helped yourself get through it.

 

Oh and I want to thank everyone who still has stuck to following this journal-like blog of mine. You guys take care!

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Hoping

So, I’ve been long gone and now I’m back again. I know I have been kind of neglecting my blog. There are just thousand reasons why I haven’t posted much lately.

The thing is I finally decided to make my own book blog. I’ve been busy writing reviews and stuff. It’s like my stress reliever next to reading books..blogging about books. Anyway, enough of that..

Back to my life, I can say that I probably been much hopeful of all the things occurring to me right now. It seems that I can finally get back on track when it comes to my career. I’ve been accepted again for a training program. I’m just so grateful to have been given another chance. This time I will make the best out of this opportunity. I will fight for it because I want to friggin achieve my goal. I don’t want to stay lost. I feel as if this is divine intervention. Lol. Okay, I think I sound weird but whatever.

There’s always still a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to be afraid..to worry..but I know I better not. Why should I be? I really am feeling hopeful. I want to stay like this as much as I can. I’m tired of negativity. I want to see myself as someone who’s better, stronger, braver, and more ambitious. Enough for my wasting of time. I might be still a little lost but I can feel that I am finally finding my way back to where I should really be in.

I’m just really really happy. I know I am saying this because I am just about to start on my journey again in my career. Hopefully, I will not tire of being positive for a long long time. I wish I could keep this optimism. Fate, family, friends, and books definitely helped changing my outlook in life.

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I want a life with life

Do you know what they say about living your life to the fullest? I bet you do.

Most of the time, I feel as if I am afraid to come out of my shell and live the life that I am supposed to live. As days, months, and years pass by..I realized how little life is in my life. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy for all the blessings and people who have been in my life. I just crave for more. I want to achieve and accomplish things. I feel that longing inside of me to do something for myself that will make me proud ten or more years from now.

It’s sad that I have turned back from a few opportunities in the past. I tell myself to move on. There are times I feel like I did already but sometimes I can’t help but ponder on what might have been. I guess this is why I get stuck on the past.

I read somewhere about the ways to get what you want. It was about the law of attraction. Though I believe in karma, fate, and stuff like that, I believe in God more. Aside from that, I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.

I always ask myself, “What do I really want in life?”. That question will lead to another..until such time I have so many questions in my head that I feel like already exploding. Is it really wrong to be confused and not know what you want in life? I guess so..it makes me feel hopeless and helpless.

However, at the end of the day, no matter how we question ourselves and what has been happening in our lives, one thing is sure..if we push ourselves to want and get what we desire, we will get it. Of course, it is very important that we act and exert  effort. That is what I need now. I need to act and make effort. I hope it’s going to take me to where I would really want to go.

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Hope for the best

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives.

-Lemony Snicket

Confusing as life can be, I can’t help but still to hope for the best. I know it will not happen instantly and that it will take time. I am willing to wait for it. I just want to have hope and not feel sad about everything.

Life is strange. It’s like the hardest riddle that can ever exist. It must be figured out. I will figure it out, little by little. Things may not go my way. I must not give up. I should do what I think will be good for me, the decisions that will make me happy in the long run.

Though the best rarely arrives, I must keep in mind to hold on to it and make the best out of it.

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Carry On

Yes, I do make mistakes. Yes, I am still in the process of learning.

Failures cannot stop me from doing what I want.

I will sail across the sea of my fears.

So, what if I get chastised for those mistakes..

The important thing is that I admit what I have done wrong

I will try to be better everyday.

Sometimes, it’s just tiring, trying to prove myself to other people.

But yes, I will keep struggling and keep telling myself to carry on.

 

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Dear me,

It just depends on how you think. Whatever comes into your life, I know you’ll get through it. You may get confused by some things that has been happening, but one day, you’ll find the reasons behind it. You may get your heart broken, your self-esteem hurt or whatever, but it will mend one day. You can not just stay at one point and think of the negativity in life, move on, keep smiling, and hope. Nothing’s wrong with it. One day may be a bad day, but it’s not going to remain that way. Remember, many people love you and they love you for who you are, so why think the worst of yourself. Pray, it’s the best armor that you’ve got. Repeat positive mantras over your head, until it happens. Work it out until you figure out what’s best for you and where you would get happy. Never ever give up.

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Keeping expectations in check.

Over the past few days, I’ve been living my life in a blur, just going with the flow, going where life takes me. I take little steps, planning on things first before I actually pounce on something to accomplish it. I think it’s really risky to rush things. I can be spontaneous too, I tend to do things out of nowhere too and enjoy the outcome. But I guess at this point of my life, I need to recheck my life and do plans, at least short term plans.

So, right now, I have these short-term plans but I do not expect that much, because I know it might hurt if those expectations don’t happen. I sometimes hate people for expecting too much of me. So, there, I’m just being careful. I can hope I guess. Expecting and hoping are two different things right?