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So much going on at the moment

Hi everyone! I figured that it has been a month since my last post here. The thing is there have been so much going on at the moment. I loved all of it actually. Despite the fact that I am so busy, I feel as though I am so happy to be finally doing a lot of stuff again. I felt that I have been in love with my profession again no matter how difficult it could be.

So, I have been undergoing a hospital training again. Lol. I know. This is already my second time and I am hoping that it will really turn out well. I had my fair share of facepalm worthy moments at my training though. Most of the time I find myself cringing over those moments but I better begin to laugh it off as to not embarrass myself that much. Actually, I’ve been living in a way in which I should just enjoy everything that I have right now. It has been my mindset lately.. to just enjoy what’s happening even if it’s actually stressing me out. In this way, I think I have been able to cope up with the actual stress of the training program.

I am learning a lot. I am thankful that I get another shot to practicing the nursing profession. There are times when anxiety creeps up on me but I do my best to shrug it off. I have to believe that I can make it. I read some novels wherein this saying frequently appears, “Fake til you Make it.” Even though it kinda makes sense, I don’t think you should be faking anything to make it. It should be Work it til you Make it or something instead. It definitely does have more sense. You’ll make it when you work for it. It’s from the hardships that accomplishments and success come from.

Here’s what my realization is at this point in my life:

I am so indecisive and that fact scares the hell out of me. I am not so sure of everything. Call it fear of the unknown. Maybe that’s what I am so scared of. But…what propels me to keep moving on? All I can think of is FAITH. I have faith in my FAITH. I believe that everything’s going to be alright soon. I’m going to find my way to happiness. Call me cheesy or whatever you want but I think that’s how I have been living my life. If I’m not going to have faith in myself and God..maybe I’d be so lost and I’d drown in anxiety and confusion.

Yes. It is hard. But that’s what life is. Life doesn’t go easy on everyone. I’ve never head or known someone who had/has an easy life. No matter what happens, you just need to keep moving. You can be afraid but don’t let it stop you from getting what you want in life. Fight for it. Don’t be a coward. Don’t let an opportunity pass. Every once in awhile, do something that makes your adrenaline rush out of your system. After all the craziness has been over, you’ll feel accomplished and proud of yourself..that you helped yourself get through it.

 

Oh and I want to thank everyone who still has stuck to following this journal-like blog of mine. You guys take care!

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A New Year for Adventures and Lessons

My 22nd birthday just passed. I came to realize many things about my life. There are not much but still these are pretty important for me. A year older than I was, I am still the same old me. I think I’ve been living on the “SAFE” side of my life for too long. Having just read a blog post about doing something new, I think I would want to do something that will make me feel proud of myself, of my decisions.

So, for this year, I guess I have to push myself to be braver. By that, I mean to let go of all the things that are holding me back. I have always been a worrier. That did nothing to make my life better. It held me back from the opportunities that I should I have taken. I have no regrets though. What makes feel good about myself right now is that I was able to stand by what I believe will make me happy in the long run. I can’t even blame myself or any other people for what is happening to my life. I guess I have to accept the reality. The good thing about acknowledging reality is that it helped me determine where I stand. Somehow, this provides comfort because I am still living a pretty much blessed life.

A new year for adventures and lessons:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”- Mark Twain

I just love how this quote by Mark Twain reminded me on how life should be lived.  One part of me tells me to be safe and cautious in everything. However, that will be so boring for me. So, as a change, I will strive to be braver to try out new things and never hold back as long as I am doing the right thing. I don’t want to grow old and feel unfulfilled after all.

Day by day, I will live my life to the fullest as much as I can. I will not allow myself to be stagnant. There’s no way it will happen. I know I am destined for something that will make me happy and I deserve it.

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Blind Steps

I don’t even know where to go from here. My mind tells me different things. My heart feels different things. How do I decide on this?

I want to be able to do lots of things. I want to make myself happy. I want others to feel happy. It’s a non-stop episode of ambivalence, indecisiveness, and stubbornness in my life.

I desire to follow what I want. I do feel good too when I ask for advises. Maybe I’m just real clueless.

How do I start on doing things, when I feel so afraid? How do I take risks when I fear of getting hurt and rejected?

I just need something, something that will set my life in motion. I need to be able to feel like I’m living my life. I want to be free.

How do I go on with blind steps? Life is so complicated. Yes, I’ve heard that countless times.

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Making the most out of it

I am making the most out of what I can do. I once said to myself that I will do it when I am given the opportunity. Yes, the opportunity has shown up and I definitely gave it a try. Now, I’m proud that I achieve something that I promised myself to be doing.

I’ve always loved reading and writing. I am really lucky that I have been given a chance to do writing for living. I was able to get a part-time job for writing articles and stuff. I know that it’s worth a shot. I’m still a beginner and I still need to learn more. I am just so happy that I get to do a thing that I enjoy as a job.

Now, I’m trying to balance everything in my hands, my nursing career training, this article writing job, my blogging, my reading, and my relaxing time with my family.

I do feel lucky and blessed now.

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Don’t be hard on yourself. Enjoy the moment.

Dear you,

Stop stressing out yourself. You’re being hard on yourself again.

I know you’ve got to be better than you are, that you need to learn a lot of things, that you’ve got to exceed expectations, and that you need to prove to yourself that you’re good enough. People’s eyes are on you, judging you if you are ready, if you are capable enough, and that is what stresses you out. Well, RELAX. BREATHE. Let go of those thoughts.

Start enjoying the moment. Appreciate things around you. You should be aware that you’re lucky because you were given such opportunity. You are there to learn and you do not have to prove that you’re something. Just be you. Just love what you do, enjoy it. Nothing is going to happen with all the worrying that you’re doing. Keep that in mind.

When you’re feeling down because something happened that made you feel unworthy or offended, say to yourself, “Well, fvck them! I am fabulous and I can do this!” Arghhh..I hope you can stick to this mantra forever.

You’re doing good, Jenny. I know you are. You know in yourself that you enjoy  your life now, even if it is so exhausting to keep up with all that has been happening. Just do not let the negativity turn you down. You’ll get through this. Trust yourself.

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I had to, this time

I’ve been busy the past few days. I’m really thinking so much about how I should go on with my career. Apparently, I’m “too much of a fresh grad” to be hired to work as staff nurse in a hospital. Like, that really doesn’t give a lot of options.

Option 1: Continue giving out my resumes and credentials to countless hospitals until one contacts me and schedules me for an exam and interview. Then I get hired.

Option 2: Be a volunteer nurse in a hospital. In that way, I could have an experience. Arghhhh..This is so frustrating. Volunteering is equal to not having salary and I’m saying hello to another few months of being broke and depending on my parents. Oh great!

Option 3: Start on my masters (not an option, lol, I don’t have funds for that yet but I can dream right?)

Option 4: Shift to another career (uhmmm..)

Option 5: Any medical-related job will do.

It’s really disappointing to find myself being included in a situation wherein there’s an oversupply of nurses in this country, yet, there’s not enough job for all of us. Sadly, nurses here have to endure volunteering, being underemployed, or in the case of those who are employed as staff nurses, being underpaid. This is why it’s frustrating. I want a job, but not just a job. I want a job which will make me happy at what I do. I guess, I’ll have to settle for volunteering, if ever my application as a volunteer nurse be accepted. *crosses fingers*

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What it is like to be a fresh graduate and still job hunting

Only a few months ago, I can still remember myself rejoicing over the success of accomplishing my studies and passing the nursing board exam. Yes, I am still thankful for those. Being able to finish your studies is a great deal of privilege. Yeah, I know it too well too.

However, it’s so hard to find a job that fits my field of studies. It’s been like 3 months already that I’m stuck at home doing nothing. Not really nothing, I’m going to trainings and seminars, but still, most of the time, I do nothing. I’m still unemployed and I guess I’m sort of panicking because I don’t want to be the only one who is left unemployed when most of my batchmates are beginning to get hired. I need to really pinpoint why is that so.

If I think about it, I was so eager to do job hunting a few months back. I’ve sent my resumes to different companies but the position I was applying for is not medical-related. That’s only because I’m just qualified since I am a college graduate. I was interviewed and almost got the job, but there’s no luck. Maybe I got all too nervous or maybe I’ve ran out of confidence due to the interviews where I got rejected. Then, there would be some opportunities and  there will be times that my mind would totally go against the moment and just feel that if I got accepted for the job, I would not be happy with it. Therefore, not showing for the interview or really messing it up because I’m not in the right mood. It’s like having so much ambivalence  take over me.

To be honest, I have so much insecurities because I’m a fresh graduate and I don’t know too much about the field that I would like to get into. Worries also eat up my mind. And I know I have to stop myself and have loads of optimism if I want to start my career as a nurse.

Right now I am praying that one (maybe not one only) of the companies I’ve sent my resume to will pick it up and consider giving me a chance. I promise to really really try and do my best when I get called for an interview. I am looking forward to all the challenges and earn for myself and my family.

Positive thoughts are what I need now more than ever. *Chants: “Please pick my resume and give me a chance. Please..*

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What do I really want to do with my life?

There’s always this moment wherein I totally just stop what I’m doing and over-think about the things going on in my life, a hobby of mine.  I always definitely over-think about: “What do I really want to do with my life?” I don’t get frustrated anymore about things not turning out how I wanted it to be. It just came to the point wherein I realized that there’s always a reason behind all of the things that are occurring in my life. I did not even feel sad for the failures in my past, I know I’ve learned so much from it.

Anyways, I had these opportunities that showed up. In my head, it was just so tempting, to take advantage of these opportunities. But, I over-analyzed everything, then, it just felt wrong. It was like, yes, I could totally grab this opportunity, but then what’s next? It was as if it will just feel wrong. If I want to be practical, I will take the opportunity, but in my heart, I know that I will not be happy doing it. I just feel that I belong somewhere else. I’m just really in the point of life wherein I just want to feel happy with what I choose. I just want to choose something that would make sense, on what I should really do with my life.