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Nurse Problems: Freaking Out? Yes I am

What? January had passed already? Yes. Yes. Oh gosh. I can’t believe how fast time went. It just went by like that. Sometimes I worry if I was able to do as much as I can in a certain time. It feels like one month was too long and yet it’s still little time to get what I was aiming for.

So, why am I freaking out? I feel like I have been left out of nursing to a great extent. I mean it’s been already 9 months since I was able to perform the responsibilities and duties of a nurse. It’s as if I am worrying that all knowledge I have might leave my memories. I don’t really want to leave the profession that I have come to love. I feel good about knowing that I am a nurse but it’s really tough. In nursing it’s like, you can’t get what you want that fast. You have to strive hard to become a successful nurse. I know it’s like that in every profession. I have to admit that I am frustrated by the fact that I am not practicing my profession. It’s my fault really. I would have had the chance to start working as a staff nurse but I chickened out.

We all know the saying “You don’t know what you have until you lose it”. That is exactly what I realized. Again, regretting things will not be very useful to me. Instead, I think I will need to live with the PRESENT.

Back to the PRESENT: I have a job that pays off good better compared to practicing nursing in my country. I will not deny it but I need to survive. I chose my writing job over nursing. After 9 months of leaving my real profession, here I am wondering about things. I think I am missing out on a big part of my life. I realized that I can help save people’s lives and make my life more worth it.

Because of that realization, I am more determined than ever. I will be back to the profession that I have come to love. I feel like it’s my calling. I decided to save money for a training. I hope I can pursue this. I know it will not be easy but I will persevere. I promise that in two months I will be back to practicing nursing. I will improve myself and live the life that I ought to be having. I refuse to be locked up in my room writing in solitude (lol, jk). I love writing but nursing is my calling. I need a path and a clear goal. I hope I can do this.

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2013 Wrap up

It’s another year that has finished. Like they say, “Time flies by”. We are again in the point when we reminisce and reflect about the year that has passed.

To be honest, I must say that this year is a roller coaster ride though most of it was on plateau. It’s not like the negative kind of plateau but rather boring. I stayed in my comfort zone and did not do anything to be out of it. The plateau would refer to me choosing the easier way in which I don’t have to make an effort. Actually, I don’t regret anything that I have decided. In fact, I am really happy to have made those decisions. I’ve learned my lessons.

2013 is not an easy year though it’s mostly spent in plateau. In the beginning of the year, I get to practice my career as a nurse. It was such a happy moment for me. I got to learn and do what I was taught in nursing school. I realized that it’s indeed a noble profession to be in. Compassion and dedication are needed to pursue it. I’ve come across different people.. and faced with unexpected experiences. One of which was seeing a patient deteriorating and dying before my eyes. I felt like I had to detach from that moment..to prevent from crying because I need to be strong. It was a bit similar to the movies. In the mid-April, I finished my nursing training. I was successful and yet I felt like I shouldn’t take the opportunity of working in the hospital setting.

Since then, my father and I had some sort of disagreement with regards to my career, a definite down in my roller coaster ride. He said that I should have pursued it. I said I would not be happy working there. In the end, I stood by my decision. I followed my heart. It was a rough decision between practicality and happiness. Until now, I don’t know what to make out of it. Probably, I just chickened out because I was scared of failure. Or probably, there is something behind the turn of events that somehow makes it right.

By June, my grandmother passed away. She was really an angel in my life. She has always stood by my side, my defender in many ways. Like I said before, I’m just happy that my she and my grandfather are now together in heaven, a bit relieved that she didn’t need to feel pain anymore.

In September, I got freelance writing jobs. That’s when I thought that maybe I am meant to be a writer. I’m happy to have discovered this side of me. I have always loved writing because of my love for reading. Anyway, even if I am enjoying the perks of the job, I still miss dealing with patients and helping them. I miss nursing..but I guess it’s really true that you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone. I let the opportunity pass and here I am feeling slightly sorry about it but not so sorry about it (lol seriously I have a bad case of ambivalence).

Right now, what can I say..Yes I am thankful for everything that has happened. I’m still figuring this out but eventually things will unfold for me. I’ve pointed out before that I have always believed that all things happen for a reason.

Like I said, my year has been on a plateau but still a roller coaster ride. I remembered a character in John Green’s novel, “The Fault in Our Stars”. It’s Augustus Waters and he said there that he is on a roller coaster that only goes up. I want my life to be like that. A roller coaster that only goes up. A life that is so colorful because I learned to take calculated risks and be brave. That’s what I am going to do in 2014. Take risks, believe in what I can do.. and where fate takes me.

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Perks of being a Nurse

Thousands of nurses are unemployed in our country nowadays. Some preferred to get other jobs and some decided to stick to their chosen profession. Maybe most of my fellow nurses out there thought: “Why did I even take up nursing?” My answer to that:” We have different reasons. But one thing is for sure, you cannot go back anymore. Deal with it!”

So, there are days that made me real thankful that I became a nurse. Somedays, I kind of regret it. But for the most part, I learned to love my profession. So, I thought of What are the Perks of being a Nurse? Here’s some of what I came up with:

10. We are one of the few people who can successfully transcribe and understand the doctors’ writing.

9. When there are days that we got sick but we don’t want to spend much on seeing a doctor, we know how we can manage ourselves in a way.

-For example, we have an idea what medicine we could take, but of course, we cannot prescribe. We can only buy the over-the-counter medicines.

8. Everyone who knows you are a nurse seeks for advice about their health.

-Though it may not be that much, some of nurses’ relatives/family members ask them about what they should do about the symptoms that they have been experiencing, or ask nurses what to do with it.

7. People feel safe when they are with nurses.

-I dunno much about his. But many of my friends say that they feel safe around us, or so they say. Yeah, pretty much self-explanatory.

6. Meeting people

-It’s the way on how we feel that we instantly become a small part of the people’s lives. Like the ones who become our patients, their family or relatives.

5. We get to practice our patience that it’ll take a lot for us to get irritated or angry.

Most of us can attest to this one. We can last long hours of not being able to sit down because we are too busy. We know how to handle stressful situations calmly even inside our minds, some of us are freaking out.

4. Nurses know first-aid, CPR, life-saving measures.

Aside from the doctors, nurses have the capacity of performing such life-saving measures which could be crucial if any situation like this arises.

3. Nurses are known to be clean and organized people.

2. We get to watch invasive surgeries and all those kind of stuff.

We live the Real-Life Greys Anatomy series.

1. Nurses get to touch people’s lives.

It’s such a great thing to feel fulfilled with our chosen profession. We get to witness the birth of a baby up to the last breath of a dying man. We are there. No matter how small the part that we contributed, it is still good to know that we indeed got a purpose to serve in our lives.

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End of another chapter

It’s been a good four month-training at the hospital. It definitely taught me a lot of things I would have never learned from school. I’ve got the first taste of what it is like to become a professional nurse, someone who practices her chosen field.

First of all, I am very aware that I wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t for some people who helped me. I know that this looks like a speech but it’s not. It’s like, I don’t know, maybe fate has intervened to make me start my nursing career. I would have never thought that I would become one of the lucky ones who got a chance to practice nursing so suddenly after passing the board exam.

I somehow felt proud of myself. In my four months training, I encountered different types of patients, with different diagnosis, with different personalities, with different demands, with different significant others, etc. It felt good to become a part of someone’s life in such a short span of time. I know that I may have not done that much but when I see my patients smile or relieved from their pain, I feel good. I feel as if I’ve made the right decision of pursuing this career. The thanks that I have received, that made me feel fulfilled.

On the other hand, I felt worried about my general performance. I admit that skills-wise, I am not the one who definitely excels at it. I tend to make a lot of mistakes and I chastise myself for every single one of them. With every mistake I commit, I felt as though I was being judged, worse, I was being laughed at and judged by everyone who saw my mistake. I know that it is a pretty harsh thing to do to myself, but I cannot help it. I feel like I way more inferior to others. It’s not so easy to cope with those kinds of feelings. I wish I would get over it soon and gain confidence.

However, I think, the best part that happened in my training was meeting new friends to whom I created a bond with. It’s always good to make new acquaintances. I shared lots of memories with them and felt like I was really welcomed by the group.

All in all, my final thought: I am hoping that there’ll be a positive output from my four-months training. I hope that I can be hired in one of the company hospitals that I am eyeing. I want to stay positive and hopefully throw my worries away.

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Fears are silly. Or not.

Recently, I have been undergoing a training and it’s the one I’m most nervous of. I don’t know why, but mainly, I think the fear has something to do with failures in the past. I was trying to get a hold on myself at those few days I’ve been there. My mind was always overthinking as it always does and worries about every single thing.

Then, it just came to the point that I’ve had enough of my freaking fears. I need to let go, I told myself. All I needed at that time was confidence and optimism. I chanted good things in my head over and over again. I made myself trust myself, that I can do it, and that I was strong enough to overcome the obstacles I’ve faced in the past. Prayers are a great tool too.

Maybe, it also has something to do with the law of attraction. I kept on replacing negative thoughts with the positive ones. I’ve done my part, I worked with lots of effort and I began to start thinking that if I prepared for something so well, how can I not make it? It makes sense. If I know I was ready and prepared, I sure as hell am going to be successful with it.

In the end, I realized, fears are silly. But maybe, not totally. Fear can be a good thing. It pushes us to be stronger and conquer that little voice in our mind telling us: “you cannot do it.”

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Registration

Good day! I just want to share this. Earlier in the day, I woke up with excitement. I just went to PRC to register myself there as a nurse. I’ve been excited because this is the literal sense of being an RN. I passed the exam, had the oath taking, and now I can legally call myself as a Registered Nurse. I’m just so happy though I have to wait for the arrival of my license on November. It’s good to say that I’m already done with it.