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Taking a break from everything

Here’s the thing, I finally quit from my job. I don’t know what to feel. Relief maybe? First of all, I intended to do it so I can go back to my career. I think I won’t ever stop talking about my career as long as I haven’t figured it out yet. I think I generally feel relief because now I have time to have a break from everything. I’m currently enjoying my free days..and that mostly involve me with a book on hand and drowning myself in fictional worlds wherein I feel better. What can I say..maybe this is a good decision.

 

Just in time with me quitting my work, I received a message from a hospital for another work opportunity. I can’t let myself hope that much yet but I am really really hoping. I can’t help myself from doing so. It’s like some sign that maybe I made the right decision and this is just a start for a new chapter in my life. Hopefully, this will go well. I am wishing so hard that I may be able to find the direction to which my life will be on. I feel helpless and more likely anxious about not figuring things out about my life. I don’t want to be a failure. I want to make be someone..someone who has achieved a lot of things for herself and her loved ones. I don’t just want to be plain. I don’t want to be stuck in a place where there is no improvement. I am afraid to be left behind.

 

Maybe lots of people get where I am coming from. It’s not easy to search and find that place where you will be happy. I think it’s a lifelong process..discovering yourself and your purpose. As dramatic as I am getting right now, well I’m happy that I have some things and people who keep me from going insane.

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Here’s the deal

Okay, so here’s the deal..I know I promised on posting more often now but it seems that my schedule is not allowing me to do. Things got busier than ever. I don’t even know how I will manage my time.

All writing job opportunities came in to me. I’m glad to say that I am pursuing most of them. So, for now I got freelance jobs as article writer, e-mail responder, and virtual assistant. As happy as I am now for getting those, I kind of miss nursing. I miss the hospital environment. I know there’s definitely a reason why my nursing career is on hiatus for NOW.

On another matter, I should have been starting my “Notes to Self” page but the problem is that I thought I knew WordPress that well. The thing is I was wrong. LOL. I don’t even know how to put posts in a specific page. There are lots of tutorials out there but I am so lazy to follow the complex codes and stuff. Urgghhh! This is a little frustrating.

In the mean time, I will be posting as is with my new page on hold just like my nursing career.

Anyhoo, I am just glad to sneak away from my work and post here. I am excited for all the things that I know are about to happen. Though I want to rant more, I believe this should be continued in another post. That’s it for now.

 

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Daily Prompt: I Want to Know What Love Is. Dammit!

We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

I remember in one of my college class, our professor asked each one of us to define love.  Since it was a graded recitation, I did my bestest to answer it in the most non-weird way. I think my answer back then was: “Love is like the staircase, with each step you take of steep steps, you are in the danger of falling.” Well, it seemed like I failed myself for giving the most non-weird definition of love. My answer gained some “wooohs” from the class.  Some of my classmates’ definitions were more dramatic than mine, others are so cheesy that everyone in the class laughed.

I guess love doesn’t have to defined in the most detailed way because as they say, it is difficult to explain it. There are no words for it. Though there may be different types of love, puppy love, wife-husband life, eternal love, sibling-y love, friend-y love, pet-love, or whatever..Love is just simply caring for someone or somebody. If you care enough for a person, thing, animal, or place, that’s somehow being in love. It gives you “that” feeling that I cannot even explain here.

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Daily Prompt: Quote Me

It’s okay not to be okay.

We all had our moments of ups and downs. We have our own ways of getting through those tough moments in life. We all know life is not that easy. We get afraid, frustrated, sad, jealous, and whatever negative thoughts we have in our minds. We tell ourselves that everything’s going to be alright. And yes it is, it will be alright eventually.

It’s okay not to be okay. If we are feeling that way, other people can’t tell us what to feel. Other people can’t tell us to get over it the way they wanted us to. We heal differently from the wounds that we get in our lives. We have our own pace of setting things right. We may not be able to do all the moving on by ourselves only but people we love can do so much by just showing their support and just by being there. It’s amazing to know that there are people who are willing to be with us when we go through hard stuff.

It’s okay not to be okay. It’s because time passes by, our wounds will heal, and it will only make us stronger and better than we are before. So, every time that we go through hard times, it’s okay. Accept your situation, think through things, do what you think is right and then you’ll notice that things will fall into place again. After all, things can’t always stay the same.

 

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Dictator of your life

Ever felt that you don’t really have a control in the decisions you make for your life?

Most of us, I think, goes through this experience where we think that we are losing control of our lives and that we need people to help us with it.

In my case, I would say that I have some people who dictate me in some ways. I guess I’m a type of person who lives to have my decisions approved by these people I was mentioning about. And it’s not a good idea.

Having ‘dictators’ in life have the good and bad side with it, just like everything that exists on this planet. In the good side, you want your life to be dictated by them because you think that they probably know what’s best for you. You are in comfort zone because you live to please everyone by just playing out and following what they want. It sure does not take a lot of energy and so uncomplicated. Also, at some point, you feel good because you know that there are people who are willing to tell you advice and keep you on track.

However, this can really get ugly when you let a person dictate most things in your life. I’ve experienced it firsthand, who doesn’t? It makes you want to just be depressed because you have to follow what the heck they want you to do because you’re afraid of what they are going to say. They are a step ahead of you in making your life’s biggest decisions or worse even the smallest decisions on some life matters. You tell yourself over and over again that they know what’s good for you and that you’re so lucky because there are people who cares too much for you.

It feels like being caged, not being the one to control your own life and you just want to get out. You want freedom, you want advice not control.  It’s just so exhausting.

You just long for the time to just take the drive seat of your life because it’s yours to live anyway. Think of how good it would be to decide, make mistakes and learn from it, tell people you are just doing fine handling your own life. You just have to know what you want and that what you want to is what makes you happy. And by being happy that’s probably how you’ll know that what you’re doing is the best for you. Then, these dictators can back the hell off.

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What it is like to be a fresh graduate and still job hunting

Only a few months ago, I can still remember myself rejoicing over the success of accomplishing my studies and passing the nursing board exam. Yes, I am still thankful for those. Being able to finish your studies is a great deal of privilege. Yeah, I know it too well too.

However, it’s so hard to find a job that fits my field of studies. It’s been like 3 months already that I’m stuck at home doing nothing. Not really nothing, I’m going to trainings and seminars, but still, most of the time, I do nothing. I’m still unemployed and I guess I’m sort of panicking because I don’t want to be the only one who is left unemployed when most of my batchmates are beginning to get hired. I need to really pinpoint why is that so.

If I think about it, I was so eager to do job hunting a few months back. I’ve sent my resumes to different companies but the position I was applying for is not medical-related. That’s only because I’m just qualified since I am a college graduate. I was interviewed and almost got the job, but there’s no luck. Maybe I got all too nervous or maybe I’ve ran out of confidence due to the interviews where I got rejected. Then, there would be some opportunities and  there will be times that my mind would totally go against the moment and just feel that if I got accepted for the job, I would not be happy with it. Therefore, not showing for the interview or really messing it up because I’m not in the right mood. It’s like having so much ambivalence  take over me.

To be honest, I have so much insecurities because I’m a fresh graduate and I don’t know too much about the field that I would like to get into. Worries also eat up my mind. And I know I have to stop myself and have loads of optimism if I want to start my career as a nurse.

Right now I am praying that one (maybe not one only) of the companies I’ve sent my resume to will pick it up and consider giving me a chance. I promise to really really try and do my best when I get called for an interview. I am looking forward to all the challenges and earn for myself and my family.

Positive thoughts are what I need now more than ever. *Chants: “Please pick my resume and give me a chance. Please..*

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Being stuck at home does me no good.

I am becoming increasingly irritated at how much negative rants I have been putting in this rant blog of mine.  And I would have to say that I blame it for being stuck at my house for a long time. Staying in a place for a long time and not really doing anything makes me feel miserable about everything.

Maybe I should start going out and make my life more exciting. I’ll get back to the goals/things to do stuff that I wrote here in past. I will make it a challenge for me to write positive and happy thoughts in the coming days.

Good luck to me. 🙂

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Shut down.

Oftentimes, I wish to just shut down. By shutting down, what I mean is not really listening to people who just rant on and on about how they are so miserable or how great their life is. It just depends. Or maybe it’s just on how I feel in a particular day. These are the instances where I would like to shut down:

  • Someone ranting on and on about the negativities in life. That person who always complain about everything and blame other people and not look at their own faults.
  • Having to listen to a friend who constantly talks about his/her current interest that do not even interest you.
  • People who talk about something or someone and you know just by listening that they are lying right in front of your face.
  • Those who brag about all the greatness in their life…
  • All the rumors that you’re too tired hearing of.
  • Hearing about a topic in which you are completely bitter about.
  • And many more to mention.

It’s too bad because I can’t completely just shut down. Sometimes, I wish I could be just plain mean and selfish, tell the person I’m not completely interested with the talk. But, I feel obligated to listen and care because some of these people are those people whom I care for. So yeah..

 

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If you only knew

If you only knew, I wanted to talk to you. I saw you that day and so did you. I was curious to see how your life went on. I want to have a conversation with you about everything, reminisce about the things that we once did. Maybe, I just miss how things were back before.

Instead, what I did was pretend. I pretended I did not saw you. I acted like I was not interested in you anymore. Because I want to prove something to myself. I don’t want to linger anymore in the past. I want to move on. I kept on thinking: “If I really want to put all the past behind me, I should just go and talk to you.” But, again, I did not. I was afraid it was going to be awkward and that my feelings are going to return and I was afraid of that. Over the days that passed, I’ve learned to forget about you and stop making my thoughts linger about you.

So, to make it easier for me, I decided not to come near you and just look at you from a distance. I acted like I don’t care when all in truth, it was the very opposite.

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Thank You.

I’d just want to THANK all of you, to those who followed and liked my blog, to those who take time to read my rants and put an effort to click the LIKE button. I know I’m just starting again but really, THANK YOU. Knowing that there are actually people who reads my posts about random things and likes it, actually makes me so damn happy. It means a lot for me that you would be interested in the blog and me. Again, THANK YOU!