Sighs, face-palm moments, and life in general

Well, that was such a long title. Sorry about that. I was just really busy with stuff going on with my life. I really don’t want to abandon this blog though. It has been a huge help for me to express myself and relieve my stress. Writing will always be one of my passions in life.

Anyway, I think I changed in a lot of ways compared to the one writing on this blog several months before. Now, I felt like something in me changed dramatically. When I got a position as a staff nurse in a hospital, I felt as though I need to force myself to be more responsible and more mature. I feel lots of things changing. Also, I realized how complicated and difficult life could be. Thank goodness to my family, friends, books, and the internet, I kept myself sane. Lol.

Also, I kept thinking to myself..kept questioning myself..if I can survive my job/my profession. Sometimes, I just want to hate myself for being so unsure of many things. What am I supposed to do? I know people at my age are supposed to figure out things and focus more on career building. I feel like sighing various times. Life is indeed not very simple. You have to consider lots of things.

Yesterday, I felt so exhausted..with what happened to me at work. I felt myself crumbling..shattered inside because oh well..I thought that I am as not as efficient as I am supposed to be. I just broke down and cried. After all, I need to take my stress out of myself or else I am going to burst. I miss the comfort of life but would it be a life worth living if I just settled for mediocre things? Dream at home about the extraordinary things I could do, or be at places I want to go? I could not do that. I have to work and move my ass for my dreams. I internally tell myself to fight, to be brave, and to be courageous. I hope I can conquer all the fears and insecurities that I have. This will be a long fight and a long journey.

I am grateful for the time I have off my work but my negative thoughts kept plaguing my mind..the kind of facepalm-worthy memories that keep on flashing..urghhh..It can be really so frustrating. I guess I’ll get over this soon enough..and when I say soon..I hope really soooon.

Considering all those things aside, I think I’ve been lucky to get a job in my line of profession. I am mostly thankful for everything that I have now.

I’ll be back sometime soon.

-Jenny

Things crossed off from my bucket list

Okay, so I’m pretty sure that many of us have made their own bucket lists. As for mine, it doesn’t contain many but I’m proud that most of the stuff I put there..I was able to accomplish already. Here are the items in my bucket list:

1. Save more money.
2. Get a new hairstyle.
3. Make a book blog and update it regularly.
4. Learn new things.
5. Try to go back to my nursing career.
6. Live and eat healthier.
7. Treat family for dinner/lunch/whatever.
8. Pass exams (IELTS)
9. Socialize more
10. Go to freaking gym
11. Attend a book signing event
12. Visit places I’ve never been to
13. Read more books and buy a new bookshelf
14. Undergo further training for my career
15. Go to a concert
16. Watch fireworks show
17. Go to Manila International Book Fair and Bookstore Warehouse Sale
18. Have an online business.
19. Get a signed book.
20. Buy an e-book reader.
21. Go outside more often.
22. Be brave. Take chances.
23. Fight for my decisions.

I know!! Most of the items in my bucket list are pretty lame. I think I should get more creative eh? Perhaps, go ziplining or diving? I would have to save up for that then. Oh and I gotta work on my socializing, saving money, and getting healthy. I’m pretty proud of myself though for accomplishing some of the things in the list.

 

I’m just sharing. Anybody else who got their own bucket list for 2014? 🙂

I want a life with life

Do you know what they say about living your life to the fullest? I bet you do.

Most of the time, I feel as if I am afraid to come out of my shell and live the life that I am supposed to live. As days, months, and years pass by..I realized how little life is in my life. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy for all the blessings and people who have been in my life. I just crave for more. I want to achieve and accomplish things. I feel that longing inside of me to do something for myself that will make me proud ten or more years from now.

It’s sad that I have turned back from a few opportunities in the past. I tell myself to move on. There are times I feel like I did already but sometimes I can’t help but ponder on what might have been. I guess this is why I get stuck on the past.

I read somewhere about the ways to get what you want. It was about the law of attraction. Though I believe in karma, fate, and stuff like that, I believe in God more. Aside from that, I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.

I always ask myself, “What do I really want in life?”. That question will lead to another..until such time I have so many questions in my head that I feel like already exploding. Is it really wrong to be confused and not know what you want in life? I guess so..it makes me feel hopeless and helpless.

However, at the end of the day, no matter how we question ourselves and what has been happening in our lives, one thing is sure..if we push ourselves to want and get what we desire, we will get it. Of course, it is very important that we act and exert  effort. That is what I need now. I need to act and make effort. I hope it’s going to take me to where I would really want to go.

I’m back from out of nowhere

Hi everyone! I’ve disappeared again after a long time. Anyway, even if I have been gone. I must say that I was able to read lots of books in my “To be read” list. So, it was worth it. I missed writing and updating this blog though. As far as I can remember the last post I had was about the Zero to Hero Blogging Challenge which I have not been able to accomplish. At least I tried right? I haven’t even minded doing the entries fro some of the blogging events here in WordPress.

Oh well, that is so me. There are lots of times that I just lose my interest in some things. I realized that I’d rather blog when I feel like doing it. I don’t really want my posts to be that much prompted even though I love the daily prompt. Hopefully, after this post, I will still be able to regularly update my blog.

I am here again because I just feel like there is so much more to look out for. I feel hope that there is more to the life that I am living now. So, I decided to blog again about my experiences in life.

Okay, so that’s all. Lol, this post just looked like a rant about nothing in particular which is true. Anyway, have a great day/night y’all!

Nurse Problems: Freaking Out? Yes I am

What? January had passed already? Yes. Yes. Oh gosh. I can’t believe how fast time went. It just went by like that. Sometimes I worry if I was able to do as much as I can in a certain time. It feels like one month was too long and yet it’s still little time to get what I was aiming for.

So, why am I freaking out? I feel like I have been left out of nursing to a great extent. I mean it’s been already 9 months since I was able to perform the responsibilities and duties of a nurse. It’s as if I am worrying that all knowledge I have might leave my memories. I don’t really want to leave the profession that I have come to love. I feel good about knowing that I am a nurse but it’s really tough. In nursing it’s like, you can’t get what you want that fast. You have to strive hard to become a successful nurse. I know it’s like that in every profession. I have to admit that I am frustrated by the fact that I am not practicing my profession. It’s my fault really. I would have had the chance to start working as a staff nurse but I chickened out.

We all know the saying “You don’t know what you have until you lose it”. That is exactly what I realized. Again, regretting things will not be very useful to me. Instead, I think I will need to live with the PRESENT.

Back to the PRESENT: I have a job that pays off good better compared to practicing nursing in my country. I will not deny it but I need to survive. I chose my writing job over nursing. After 9 months of leaving my real profession, here I am wondering about things. I think I am missing out on a big part of my life. I realized that I can help save people’s lives and make my life more worth it.

Because of that realization, I am more determined than ever. I will be back to the profession that I have come to love. I feel like it’s my calling. I decided to save money for a training. I hope I can pursue this. I know it will not be easy but I will persevere. I promise that in two months I will be back to practicing nursing. I will improve myself and live the life that I ought to be having. I refuse to be locked up in my room writing in solitude (lol, jk). I love writing but nursing is my calling. I need a path and a clear goal. I hope I can do this.

I’ve been nominated!!! Yay!!!

I know. I know. The title of my two current posts have exclamation points in their title. I have valid reasons though.

What are the reasons?

Well, I have been nominated for the Liebster award and the Sisterhood of the Bloggers award. Okay, can I just have a moment here and do my “written speech”?

It’s really fulfilling that there are individuals who appreciate what I put in this blog. As many of you know, I am here just to keep memories of my life journeys. being nominated for blog awards such as these two is super flattering. I have been nominated for these awards last week. I know. I suck in keeping this blog updated. I have been swamped with work and business.

To be honest, I don’t know if these awards have a deadline. Can someone help me out on this? I want to pass on the nominations but I am not sure if I can still do it. I mean it’s been almost a week since I got the nominations. Can I still nominate others? Can I still accept it? And when you say nomination..do I actually get an award? Lol. Forgive me for this foolish question. I don’t really know how this works. I have been blogging for more than a year..and I don’t know what to do with these. I have been nominated before but it took me so long before I found out about it.

Anyway, I want to thank Ms. Anne of Tales Along the Way and fisefton of Fi’s Mutterings for the nominations. I really appreciate that you two have picked my blog to be worthy of those nominations. I feel so blessed and lucky! 🙂

It’s a blur!!!!!!

“Oh gosh!” is definitely my favorite expression nowadays. You see, one day it’s January 1st..then now it’s the 24th. How can time fly by so fast? I was so laid back that I thought I would be able to finish a lot this month. Unfortunately, I still have loads of goals to meet. On the brighter side of things though, I accomplished various stuff as well.

For instance, I thought that I wouldn’t even make the half of the Zero to Hero: 30 Days to a Better Blog Challenge. The thing is I don’t want to give up. I know I have been procrastinating but I want to have the satisfaction of completing the challenge.

Also, January has led me to act on what I wish to achieve. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I was planning to open an online bookshop in instagram. I am really delighted that I had so many customers in my first week. I am fangirling over the fact that I made it. I started to envision it..got obsessed with..and made it happen. So, yay! for me.

There are some stuff that I still wasn’t able to do. I will be giving emphasis to hitting the gym and work out. Oh gosh, I am such a lazy person. Lol. I keep on procrastinating!! I guess I should be working on that because the only thing I need is to “want to go to gym” like really go..

Okay, so enough ranting for now..I got more to post and catch up on..

A quick summary of what I am supposed to accomplish for January

New Year, New Resolutions. As I have pointed out from my previous posts, I am daring myself to make braver choices. I think everyone has a room for improvement and it’s never too late to want that for yourself. So, here I am sharing some of the things I am demanding myself to accomplish for January:

• Read more books: I have mentioned here that I joined the GoodReads Reading Challenge. My goal is 100 books for this year. I have just finished only 1. Hopefully, I will not continue my procrastination in reading books.
• Start an online business: I got this idea of selling preloved books on Instagram. Take note, ever since I discovered that there are LOTS of online shops selling books for cheaper prices, I must admit that my obsession for buying books has intensified. From that, I have decided to try my luck in business. I will try to help my fellow bookworms here to find books at more affordable prices. I just really really hope that this plan of mine pushes through.
• Save MORE money:I always sucked at being thrifty. So, one of my most important goals to achieve is this. I have been reading much lately about tips on saving money. I have listed them at my journal and now..I am trying my best to follow them and save for myself.
• Complete a blog challenge: My previous posts were all about the Zero to Hero blog challenge. I know I have missed some of the tasks but I am trying to catch up and do my best to learn as well as explore WordPress.
• Get a new haircut: I am like most girls out there who gets tired of her haircut once in awhile. Again, in my mission to make braver choices, I am going to get a new haircut which would be shorter than I prefer. Okay, I’m seriously getting excited for this. I hope that I’ll be able to find time to do this.
• Hit the GYM: This is one of my new year’s resolution which has not been achieved or been tried to be started EVER. Hopefully, by the end of this month, I will be hitting the gym for a healthier me. This is a promise to myself which I should never break.
• Seriously make an effort to go back to NURSING: This one seems to be the hardest one to accomplish. With the employment rate of nurses here in our country, this is indeed a challenge. However, I will still submit more applications to several hospitals..so I can practice my profession. I am also intending to join trainings to gain more experience before my nursing knowledge and skills begin to fade away in my memories (just kidding).

There it goes. My list of goals for January. I shall post an update at the end of the month about whether I accomplish these or not. I am trying to be positive that I will achieve all of these. I just have to BELIEVE THAT I CAN.

Where do I go from here?

I’m probably one of those people that you will meet that is so undecided with life. I change my mind many times. Sometimes, I worry that it will get me nowhere.

Another year is definitely another time to start over and refocus. It’s usually a time when people set new year’s resolution, a time to change oneself. I ask myself, where do I go from here? Truth is, I really don’t know. I feel like a child lost in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, it gets scary. I just read a blog post about wanting something more than being afraid of it. What I read moved me as an individual who is undecided in a lot of things. That’s my main problem, my fears eat me out. I always think that I cannot do it even if I haven’t tried it yet.

This year, I hope to change that fact. In 2014 I will be braver than I have ever been.

2013 Wrap up

It’s another year that has finished. Like they say, “Time flies by”. We are again in the point when we reminisce and reflect about the year that has passed.

To be honest, I must say that this year is a roller coaster ride though most of it was on plateau. It’s not like the negative kind of plateau but rather boring. I stayed in my comfort zone and did not do anything to be out of it. The plateau would refer to me choosing the easier way in which I don’t have to make an effort. Actually, I don’t regret anything that I have decided. In fact, I am really happy to have made those decisions. I’ve learned my lessons.

2013 is not an easy year though it’s mostly spent in plateau. In the beginning of the year, I get to practice my career as a nurse. It was such a happy moment for me. I got to learn and do what I was taught in nursing school. I realized that it’s indeed a noble profession to be in. Compassion and dedication are needed to pursue it. I’ve come across different people.. and faced with unexpected experiences. One of which was seeing a patient deteriorating and dying before my eyes. I felt like I had to detach from that moment..to prevent from crying because I need to be strong. It was a bit similar to the movies. In the mid-April, I finished my nursing training. I was successful and yet I felt like I shouldn’t take the opportunity of working in the hospital setting.

Since then, my father and I had some sort of disagreement with regards to my career, a definite down in my roller coaster ride. He said that I should have pursued it. I said I would not be happy working there. In the end, I stood by my decision. I followed my heart. It was a rough decision between practicality and happiness. Until now, I don’t know what to make out of it. Probably, I just chickened out because I was scared of failure. Or probably, there is something behind the turn of events that somehow makes it right.

By June, my grandmother passed away. She was really an angel in my life. She has always stood by my side, my defender in many ways. Like I said before, I’m just happy that my she and my grandfather are now together in heaven, a bit relieved that she didn’t need to feel pain anymore.

In September, I got freelance writing jobs. That’s when I thought that maybe I am meant to be a writer. I’m happy to have discovered this side of me. I have always loved writing because of my love for reading. Anyway, even if I am enjoying the perks of the job, I still miss dealing with patients and helping them. I miss nursing..but I guess it’s really true that you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone. I let the opportunity pass and here I am feeling slightly sorry about it but not so sorry about it (lol seriously I have a bad case of ambivalence).

Right now, what can I say..Yes I am thankful for everything that has happened. I’m still figuring this out but eventually things will unfold for me. I’ve pointed out before that I have always believed that all things happen for a reason.

Like I said, my year has been on a plateau but still a roller coaster ride. I remembered a character in John Green’s novel, “The Fault in Our Stars”. It’s Augustus Waters and he said there that he is on a roller coaster that only goes up. I want my life to be like that. A roller coaster that only goes up. A life that is so colorful because I learned to take calculated risks and be brave. That’s what I am going to do in 2014. Take risks, believe in what I can do.. and where fate takes me.